utah ski trip

El Extravagancia esquiar trip to Utah followed my Estonia trip.

Wednesday

This was and will be my only ski trip for the season. Important players included me, Ian, Colin, Chapman, and Ryan. The first three players took advantage of a Utah tourism board special; you can ski for free at any resort on the day you fly in if you show them your boarding pass. In order to make the most of this we all took the first flight from our respective cities. That meant I left at 630 to Phoenix and then to Salt Lake City. I never like to be at the airport too early or too late. There is no traffic in Tucson at that time of the morning nor is there any wait at the security line. Unfortunately I did not factor my time correctly and was only 1 minute away from missing my flight. They had closed the flight already and I had to plead for them to let me check in. The lady took pity on me and said don’t worry sweetie, it happens to everyone, especially if you don’t fly a lot. Thank goodness she didn’t look too hard at my bag which is covered in customs, immigration, and frequent flier tags. I really am an expert traveler I just didn’t bring my A game that morning. I got on the flight and made it to Phoenix in about 20 minutes. Yeah you basically get up to cruising speed and then you make your decent into Phoenix. So I was kind of shaken about almost pulling a Paul and missing my flight, but I got over it. I got to Salt Lake and we headed up to the mountain. We had good snow conditions that day. It was very cold and windy, but as long as you are covered it’s all good. I got a really good deal at the ski shop he gave me 4 days for the price of three. He also gave me the higher quality skis because all the cheap stuff didn’t fit me. That day I didn’t take any spills, got everything broken in and before you know it, it was time to go pick up Colin and Ryan. We had a nice two bedroom condo and pullout couch. So it slept 5 pretty comfortably. That night we went to some ute-tex-mex restaurant. It was really really really good. When we got home Colin couldn’t find the second bedroom and went into a high pitched tizzy tantrum. What the fuck do you mean there’s only one bedroom. This is bullshit, where I am going to sleep. I don’t know man I’ve got the couch and Ian and Chapman have the bedroom. I guess you can sleep underneath the pool table. No way man I’m not sleeping on the floor. About 10 minutes later he found the other bedroom and calmed down.

Thursday

We skied Deer Valley. It was a really tough mountain. We did some really good tree runs and some really cool old mining equipment. We went on the hardest run ever invented by Man, The Ruins of Pompeii; everyone came down huffing and puffing. We all agreed that it sucked and that it should never be attempted again. I think everyone might have fallen on that run. After we got back from skiing we all jumped into the hot tub with a twelve pack. It was giant bowl of manliness soup. Then we had the most awesome après ski meal ever. Chicken nuggets stuffed with pepperoni and cheese. I cried a little bit that night. We then went down to a brewery for dinner and we got hooked up with free ice cream afterwards. The person we were renting the condo from also owns a Coldstone. What a guy‼ Ryan decided to take advantage and order the biggest ice cream he could. Where as we all just had a small. What guy‼

Friday

We skied park city. That morning I introduce everyone to the magic of baked bacon. There is no better way to enjoy bacon than to bake it. Back to skiing. Unfortunately the temperatures were above freezing and the snow was slushy and then when it refroze it was crunchy. So we didn’t have the best ski conditions. It was still fun though. We found some pretty good tree runs. No nasty spills. We dubbed ourselves the Mountaineers after Ian said he was only going to do hard runs. Colin said well alright Mr. Mountaineer and the name stuck. Every day at lunch we had turkey sandwiches and wheat thins tomato basil and little Debbie oatmeal cream pies and Gatorades. Truly is a meal amongst meals. That night after the slopes we were chillin eating our chicken nuggets squared. When we came upon the greatest television show known to man. Estudio 2. Estudio 2 is a Spanish variety show which is heavy on the bikini clad women. Please see hyperlink below. http://www.estudio2.tv/ I recommend the pictures of the dancers. They are the best. We went to a place called squatters that night. They are the brewery that makes the beer called polygamy porter. Classy‼ By this time and really after the first day our place smelled bad. Like if an ass had an ass of its own. Stinky boy, trash, beer bottles, and wet towels don’t really mix. Good thing were not suave enough to get snow bunnies.

Saturday

We skied Snow Bird. This was going to be our biggest challenge, for this mountain has the most difficult runs. It also turned out to take out the most mountaineers as many of us dropped off before the end of the day. Again conditions were very crunchy. Ryan had been popping Aleve all week and was not feeling it. About ¾ into the day he called it quits and went to the bar. Ian made it to about 7/8 of the day. He just was tired and said “whoooo (exhale deeply), that run sucked I’m out of here.” But before he did that his last run is where I almost met my maker. We were on a run called Primrose Path, kind of sounds regal. Well I took a turn and was making my way over to Adager, which is now called a dagger. Somewhere down the run trying to navigate a mogul I overcompensated and made a J shape with my skis, I was unable to reverse the J and instead was heading backwards down the mountain in a V shape. My heels were crossed and I hit the top of tree, tipped over, backwards somersault and proceeded to slide down the mountain. Second 1, whoopsie daisy, Seconds 2-4 Holy mother of Mary I’m not stopping my limbs are flailing I see black then sky blue then white powder Second 5 quick check of all parts, I can move them. Alright asshole, dig your hands and boots into the side of this mountain and stop yourself. It was very much a la Cliffhanger starring Sylvester Stallone. Now in my mind this fall took about 2 minutes and I fell for hundreds of feet. It was only about 5 seconds and only about 40 feet, but it was enough of a scare to make me go buy a helmet. Chapman is screaming, hey are you alive, yeah, are you paralyzed, no, good, HAHAHAHAHAHHHHHAAAHAHAHHAHAAHAHAHHAHAA. I laugh to now, but it sucked and of course when I finally came to a stop I was pelted by the mini avalanche that I had created. What was worse was there were a bunch of skiers that flew past me but didn’t stop. So even though I was little shaken I decided one more run. My legs were pretty tired and jelly like but we made one more manly pass down the mountain. That night as usual hot tub and beer. Im not sure what we did for dinner.

Sunday

We all flew out that day. Chapman had an ass early flight because he had to get back for the game. So we all had to get up really early and Chapman actually packed the car and made us all breakfast. He was shitting for a little bit. We got everything figured out though. During the week my neck pillow melted. The place had running board heater and I sent my backpack on the ground not knowing that. Part of my backpack melted and my neck pillow which is full of beads became fused together. So I bought a badass neck pillow at Brookstone and good thing too because my flight was delayed at every single stop along the way. I sat on the runway for an hour in Salt Lake as they tried to figure out their navigation systems. I got to the gate in Phoenix just as my plane was pulling away. Then I sat on the runway for 20 minutes in Phoenix. So what should have been a 2 hour trip turned into 6. Then the cardinals lost that night. But it was totally a successful trip, had a good time, and look forward to doing it again.

Everyone should ski, Ill post some pictures next week.

Holler,

Jacob