family reunion '08

Eggemeyer 08

Well just the like the world rotates and revolves and you have perennial events; once the world revolves twice and rotates 730 times, so too comes the biennial Eggemeyer Reunion in Texas. This year finds me two year smarter, stronger, wiser, and worldlier. Most of the invited guest came; I arrived in Austin Friday afternoon around 1 o'clock and drove the hour to the Antlers Railroad Inn. Friday night we just hugged and talked it out. We had Mr. Gattis pizza, I ate 12 pieces, relax, they are small like Cici's. Of course everyone was ready for the Brothers Eggemeyer tandem assault in Scattegories, I've never met any persons who can throw together alliteration better than them and get those double triple points.

Saturday we went on our first golfff outing. I shot a 91. If we were playing golf it would have been about a 110, but with golfff, the two extra f's stand for fun and finagling the score.

Dad and some deer

mas deer

So if you only count the shots you want then the game is much more enjoyable. After I rousing game of golf and raging case of sunburn, damn you spray on sun block, I went to starbucks to enter the American Airlines Magazine Road Warrior contest. I am a Road Warrior, at least in their definition. After that I came back and showered and we went to the hotel restaurant. Where we had the world's worst service, I didn't mind because I was talking with my cousins, but some of the tables finished their food before others started. I was able to try frog legs for the first time. They weren't very good. They had the texture of fish and the flavor of the fryer, which was a lot of seafood. I would never get them again. Afterwords we went back to the hotel and we played some scene it, Aunt Patty and I raped the other team. Ooohh Rahh. Then there was another game of Scattegories which I was paired with the younger cousins and still managed to win. Although Little Egg would never confirm that.

Sunday was another game of golf, but my score was much higher, there really wasn't much golfff going on. I made fun of my soon to be cousin in law, just because you aren't a blood relative doesn't mean I wont treat you as sub human.

Only 1000 more to go

cousin eric a little mad for picking on his fiance

Sunday afternoon I was maxing and chilaxing went I was sent to the grocery store to by yellow, not white corn meal. That night was a pot luck and picture taking. Each of the aunts and uncles individual families was dressed in a different color.

this is what little egg thinks of family color coordinated photos

I ate lots of different foods and then we played some more scene it, I lost horribly and then we played something else not named Scattegories.

Monday we didn't leave first thing in the morning so I made little Egg breakfast, he wasn't sure why but he accepted. Then we said our goodbyes and went to the airport. Had a few drinks in the Continental lounge, said goodbye to the President and got a little toasted in first class.

yeah, he was there, why i would make stuff up, youd have to be crazy to make this kind of stuff up

anyways,

jacob

new kids on the oil block

I was politely informed that burqa bitches is hurtful and degrading, so said women will be referred to as hizzos and lizzaladies.

This is letter is to the significant others of said hizzos and lizzaladies. More particularly the wealthy rich ones who are a byproduct of oil production. These boys do not conform to the conservative nature of the region or of its religions. Instead they choose to replicate the lifestyle of MTV's Sucker Free Sundays. For those that do not get that reference, do you remember in the movie Titanic when they referred to the unsinkable Molly Brown as new money? Meaning, new to wealth, not really knowing how to act, unsure of themselves, fiscally the opposite of me. Well that is how I would describe theses guys. They have very expensive name brand clothing on, Lacoste, Sean John, FCUK, Armani, Louis Vatton, Rocca Wear, any other rappers clothing line, or anything else they sell on Rodeo Drive. Generally they are wearing jewelry, big pieces, bling-bling if you will, stuff that rivals professional athletes, recording artists, and their accompanying entourages. They will often be in a bar or club and will most likely have bottle service; and they aren't drinking crap like Jack, Jim, or Jose. They have bottles of Johnnie Green or Blue Label; they have bottles of Grey Goose or some celebrities attempt at Vodka manufacturing. Bottles of Hennessey, maybe you know it as Henny; and just other bottles of liquor that I cannot even afford a shot of, let alone the entire bottle. Their area of the bar or club will be filled with Cuban Cigar Smoke and be filled with ladies who rival the slutted up value of Vegas girls. With all that said, that's not what really made me want to write a blog about them. I've been around people who have nicer clothes than me and people who drink more expensive liquors than me. I've been around people who smoke expensive tobacco and people who seem to have every hot girl in a mini skirt near them. I guess what it really boils down to is the fact that even though from my perspective life is good, these kids still don't know how to have a good time. They will still fly off the handle if anyone looks at them wrong. If something doesn't go there way or they don't get exactly what they want, when they want, they turn into Veruca Salt in Willy Wonka and Chocolate Factory. They all tend to be Type-A with Napoleon Complex, regardless of their size. If any of you thought that D-bags and A-holes were strictly secluded to a particular region or nation, they aren't. They can be found in every hemisphere. Plus, they seem to need affirmation about anything; their lack of confidence is comical. What they truly need is a kick in the in ass, and a staunch reminder to Chillax. So to my wealthy boys of oil rich families; nobody likes you, club owners, bar owners, even the girls in the club. You aren't black, you aren't from the dirty drity, and you aren't athletically gifted or lyrically gifted. Just be yourself or act your age or act like you belong. Do something.

--
Jacob

burqa bitches

burqa bitches

This is a letter to women of Islam and my heart goes out to you and your never ending quest for fashion and faith. When I was in Malaysia I saw many women in burqa. This was really my first experience with the Muslim faith. I found my self staring and quickly looking away, much like I do at your cleavage. I stared because I was curious, because it was new, because I don't understand, but mostly because I wonder if under it all you really are a hotty. Now I have much experience with hotties, mostly in the form of them turning me down, but I do know one when I see one. One of the most interesting things about these women was just how fashionable they tried to be wearing all black. Not only were the burqas fashionable in that they had sequence and intriquite sewing patterns, but they were also form fitting. When these girls walked I tried to see their forbidden feet and while they do not wear nail polish they often have fashionable sandals. With said sandals they usually have big fluffy posh purses. To top it all off they usually have a fair share my makeup on as well. Eyeliner, mascara, the one that goes on your eyelids, is it shadow? Put these all together and you can tell that there is a banging hottie underneath it all. So I found that I stopped checking out regular girls because there boring, I was all about the burqas and trying to figure out what was underneath. The saying goes that less is more, but in this situation the case really is more is more. More skin clothed means there is more left up to my imagination. There is not a playboy, penthouse, or hustler that can do what my mind is capable of. Through the course of my journey I found about 4-6 women who I would marry based just on their eyes alone. No need to check out their feet, handbag, or the style of burqa, I knew that underneath it all was a smoking babe. Another way to tell how hot a BB is, is by the crappy oil rich arab man pulling her along. (More on them later) The bigger his D factor, Douche or Dick, the hotter that chick probably is or was. So in conclusion I would like to say go on with your badself girl, keep throwing it down for Mohammed and keep throwing it down for Gucci, Prada, and Revlon, but don't for a minute think you are fooling anyone. Being born hot isn't a crime, you just have better cards then your neighbor, and I say if you feel the need to cover it all, revert your eyes, and show genuine disinterest by me, thank you, because I just developed one more crush and you made my trip that much better.

Ciao,

jacobissimo

malyasian pictures

malaysian pictures
At the airport in Hong Kong

From my bedroom, the petronas towers


at night

a better picture

more

a restroom at a restaurant, its unisex
many of the restrooms had a hose, i guess if things get out of hand
but with no seat you kind of have to squat, so if you miss the hole, just hose things off, the bathroom were always soaking, luckily i didnt need to take a sit down right that moment

some dish, it was good

same

again

dancers from the cultural show

more

afterwards we took pictures with the dancers, originally i was going to caption this, hmmm whom should i choose, but now the captions reads look all the chicks staring at white godzilla, except for the girl to my immediate left, why is she giving me the stink eye

ahh, ive made my decision, and look at said stink eye girl, shes happy once more

pretty hot, although, upon further review, im hoping that the shocker is not a global hand gesutre, because if so, I just got punked

petronas towers from the tour

same

this is how many of me it would take to equal the building height

from the sky bridge

same

same

same

me and said colonels daughter, and if you didnt know us, you could easily think we are 15 and 13

petronas paraphanelia

no more captions, just enjoy



you can bet your sweet dick im naked under there

my room

bathroom

this is the way to mecca, in case you need to pray

see you next week,

egg