khiones lover

Khiones Lover

Ahh the 2010 ski season is finally upon us. The Mountain Men had decided on a weekend that didn’t correspond with my free vacation, so looks like I’ll be skiing twice this year.

Northern California

Thursday

I went up to see Ian and his roommate Jason in San Jose. We then picked up Kyle in Sacramento. The 2010 ski season was blanketed with sayings from the following literature. Do yourself a favor and read it now. Don’t need any pickle smokers reading this blog. Anybody who doesn’t wake up in the Tri Delt house or eat chicken parms is verboten from reading this blog as well. So I got to San Jose about lunch time, we went back to Ian’s and then got some meat for dinner. Nothing but protein can fuel the Mountain Men. We rolled up to Sacramento, that way we wouldn’t have to drive so far in the morning. Kyle has a homemade beer pong table in his garage and a kegorator upstairs. It was me and Ian against Kyle and Jason. We were not having any luck, as Ian had a cold arm all night. After our first ass whooping the other team went upstairs to refill the beer. Ian and talked strategy and developed a new offensive. Bang it off the wall and drop in the opposing cups on the other side of the room. This lends itself to any easy swipe because the ball bounces. So house rules were adjusted to allow for one swipe. House Rule #11, I’m paraphrasing but basically Jacob is a Giant Cocksuker and likes it in the Arse…and now I have to drink 3 cups!!! We only had one successful ball in cup, but it was totally worth it. Kyle has a cat that I was allergic to for days. I sneezed like a son of a bitch. I popped some allergy medicine drank some more beer and fell asleep like a son of a bitch.

Friday

Woke up and drove to Tahoe. We went and saw the Intel mall, just because we’re that nerdy. We got to the resort about 1030 or so. It was a locals only resort but had really good snow and it had just snowed, so we had plenty of fresh pow pow. Something amazing happened from last year’s ski trip. I improved drastically. Normally Ian skis down the mountain, catches his breath and waits for me. But not this time, I was only behind him about 10 or 15 seconds. I don’t know if I’ve actually gotten stronger or just have more confidence due to experience, but I just pointed those sons of bitches down the mountain and went for it. Ian and I went off on our own to take care of some abrasive Negros: Will Smith speak for blacks. We killed it!!! Met up with the guys for lunch. Jason had been in the lounge drinking for quite some time, por que? Because he biffed it on the bunny slop and bent the shit out of ski. Never in a million years would I ever tell anyone to accept the insurance on ski rentals, but I guess you do it for a reason. So he was done for the day. We went and finished the day out, killed it through the trees Paul bunyon style. Slayed it!! That night we stayed in North Lake Tahoe at the Harahs there. Went to the top of the building and had a baller buffet. Sushi, tacos, crab legs, pizza, cakes….everything. We walked around trying to find some less baller tables, but everything was minimum 10 dollars. That’s not so so baller, but it is for me in that I like to make lots of bets at the crap table and don’t want to have that much money out all at once. The place was bumpin bumpin, everything was full so we just went upstairs, yes that is how we roll and watched swamp loggers on discovery channel. Shit is ridic!! We watched a marathon of that.

Saturday

We went to heavenly and it was. It just snowed and snoweD and snowED and snoWED and snOWED and sNOWED and SNOWED. It was a very expensive lift ticket, but it turned out to be well worth it. A douchey guide at the top of the mountain warned us of going over to this one part of the mountain because it had very slow lifts. Well I guess he told everyone this because no one was overt there. Which was perfect because we had the place to ourselves and it was phenomenal skiing. So we hung out over there the entire day. At heavenly they even give out cookies and hot chocolate while you wait in line. Couldn’t ask for much better skiing. Even saw Veronica Cedillos, when is it not nice to see her.

Afterwards we drove all the way back to Sacramento. Took over a pizza restaurant and watched the Miners win. That doesn’t happen very often so I’ll take every win can get. We got back to San Jose around a 11, we watched played some video games and called it a night

Sunday

Got up and watched some TV for a few hours while sleep bear slept. Jason got up and joined me, and then sleeping beauty joined us. We went to this Mexican food restaurant for lunch, it was pretty tasty, we had what was called Grandma’s special sauce, it was alright. We had really poor service, then we had some really California style sopapillas, they were okay, not correct, but we certainly finished them off. This was also Super bowl Sunday, the most holiest of Sundays. Ehh I don’t even like football, but Jason and Ian were both going to a couple of parties. So I got to the airport, it was deader than dead. Watched some of the game in the terminal, made some phone calls. People don’t like to be disturbed during the big game. Okay fine fine fine. I had a connection through Las Vegas and watched the end of the game at a sports bar. Bunch of idiots screaming who dat who dat who dat. Can anyone explain how that is the Saints motto? It doesn’t even make sense. Well I got home finally and all was well in the world.

That’s it for me

Except it’s not, I went skiing twice this year.

Mormonland 2010

Professor Pow, Chaptastic, Bolt Speedman (gayest name ever), and Khiones Lover. So you may be wondering about Khione, who she is, and who loves her. Well quite frankly I am him and she is her. She is the Greek Goddess of Snow, she brings the snow. I finger her with my penis and she comes with more snow. You may be asking how I got this job, well it’s quite simple, I have always had good snow when I’ve gone skiing. I’ve only been about 8 times, but it’s always snowing or just snowed. So it must mean that ive given it up good for her. So that how my nickname has stuck.

Thursday

We all flew in this afternoon; I went to work most of the day and got in late. The guys went and hung out with the sisters at the temple. Once I was picked up we went straight to Red Iguanas and had some super awesome Mexican food. Afterwards we went shopping for groceries, on these trips which has become the norm, we only buy sugary laden foods. Frosted flakes, honey mustard, oatmeal cream pies, cinnamon rolls, Gatorades, yummo!!! We checked into our place which was on the 3^rd floor but it was four flights of stairs. Sucky later on in the weekend, walking up and down in ski boots.

Friday

We got up made our customary cinnamon rolls. Went and got some skis for me and we were off to Deer Valley. Deer Valley was good skiing again. I can’t really remember if there were any exceptional runs or what we really did during the day, just skied skied skied, ate our manly mountain men lunches. Those consist of lots of lunch meat, a box of sun dried tomato and basil wheat things, and some oatmeal crème pies. When we got home that day we stripped down to our skivvies, grabbed a dirty thirty of Coors light, and headed for the hot tub. We chilled there for about an hour and killed the 30 pack. I left a little early to go prepare on appetizers. They are from Tyson’s, they are pepperoni and cheese filled chicken nuggets. Don’t worry don’t worry, we skied all day. We earned the extra calories!! Colin passed out cuz he drank all the 3% Mormon beer. Well we got him up and we went to dinner at this place called red rock brewery. It was nice, I had a pretty good fish sandwich, we watched some ice dancing, which is a dumbass Olympic sport, went and got some free coldstone. The dude we rent from owns it, so he hooked us up. He also hooks us up with discount lift tickets. Shheeyaww!

Saturday

We got up and headed to the Canyons. Another day of great skiing, totally pwned the mountain, had our testosterone filled lunch. Got back and jumped in the hot tub with another 30 of Coors. It may sound like we drink a lot, well we do, but it’s also Mormon style, so it’s even more watery than usual. Nothing like drinking 6 beers and barely having a buzz. I finally met the girls the guys had been talking about from last night. They were hot, but they were cool as shit, liked to drink beer, and just thought we were the cleverest boys you had ever met. We are, don’t you worry your little selves. We can keep conversation going for hours and hours on end. That night we had some more anytizers, yes that is what those delectable chicken nuggets are called. Then we went and got some sushi. We killed about 10 rolls between us. We were machines. The sushi chef was this white guy who insisted on talking to us and making everything super spicy. Very lame, then he accidentally through a bottle of soy sauce at us. What gives dude, you better clean that up now.

Sunday

We got up a little later this day. We were skiing at Park City that day, so we just had to walk across the street. Rinse and repeat and we were back in the hot tub with the ladies. Ow o wow, bow chicka wow wow!! That night we went and head pizza and wings and cheese sticks. Basically all I ate was bullshit all weekend. Maybe I gained a pound, maybe I didn’t. Life is good, you all should take up skiing too. We watched the US totally beat down the Canadian hockey team this day. What a bunch of hosers, eh!! USA USA USA, I mean we really ganged banged those canucks. Man I love me some America. This day Colin shared with us the magic that is BOOO YEAH. It’s the really dirty awesome porno clip. This black dude has his giant horse wang in a white girl and his giant horse balls in her arse, then he pulls them both out, POP, and yells boo yeah. So of course we watched that thing over and over and over and screamed those line all day and night!! Hahahahah

Monday

We got up cleaned the house, packed, made breakfast, and went to the Olympic Park. It was super amazing. We learned about luge, skeleton, and bob sled. We learned about ski jumping, the hows, whys, and wheres. We had a super knowledgeable tour guide and he sold us coming back next year. We were going to change up our locale, but not no more. After a short class, you too can run down the same frozen slide that the Olympians will do. They will let you skeleton and bobsled, freaking sweet. So we’ll be doing that next year. We took a tour of downtown SLC, we saw some more of the Mormon landscape, saw the Flame at the U of Utah stadium. Then we went to this bourgy pizza place. I ordered a Diavolo pizza, mispronounced it and the guy was super happy to let me know I had misspoke. Fuck that guy. All of the guys left around 5, but I didn’t want to take a detour so I waited around late and had a direct flight home.

All in all a pretty good season of skiing. Vast improvement and Im now the proud owner of boots.

Check you all later,

Jakey poo

armenian pictures

armenia photos

here are some photos from armenia



down a pedestrian thoroughfare




he/she shim statue




armenian orthodox church





inside the church




foreign graffiti




more statue




more church





sounds top notch




it snowed





our pretty hotel




noy is the name of the cognac there, noy is armenian for noah




protest




more protest




the winery




the headquarters of the armenian church




more




mas church





this where their pope lives





mas




serafin




inside




mmm delicious




some london photos




mas




cheerio govna




spit spot




big ben




mas big ben




das thames




some rich persons house

TO THE QUEEN

JACOB

armenia

Armenia

I had a good break in between Serbia and Armenia. I went home for almost two weeks. Played some racquetball. Got lots of sleep. And now yes, YES, Im ready to get the hell out of this country.

Thursday

We left this day on a really long trip. We flew TUS, DFW, LHR, YRV. The thing that was most different with this time was that once we got to Europe it was still 5 more hours to Asia. I don’t think anyone came to the conclusion on whether Armenia was Far East Europe, Far West Asia, Central Asia, or the Middle East; but after a 10 hour flight to Europe, a 6 hour layover in London, and then a 5 hour flight to Armenia was long and tough. Luckily no one was in my row and was able to fall asleep.

Friday

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Saturday

I skipped Friday because it all included travel and nothing good. Especially Paper Heart. That movie sucked royally. I hope someone goes to jail for it and loses their artistic license. We finally got to the hotel at 2 am and promptly went out. Not partying, that would have been very manly of me; something I am not. We went out to get some water, I was super thirsty and wasn’t down for drinking the water there. Finally got to bed around 4 am that night.

I woke up around 8am and went down for breakfast. Love me some euro style American breakfast. Everything is cooked with butter. We don’t normally get a full Saturday to ourselves. We usually arrive late afternoon on Saturdays, but because the way the flights worked out, I had a chance to explore in the day time. No one wanted to go with me so I went alone. Some might say big mistake, but Im not going to sit in my room all day. I wasn’t actually sure where I was going, I just went for a walk around town. We were staying in the Republic Square which is sort of like their capital area slash downtown. There were many ministry headquarters there, fancy walkways, and pretty good architecture. After I got lost once I went back to the hotel to better orient myself. The place I wanted to was off to the right, now straight ahead like I had thought. So I left the hotel with renewed confidence. I was going to this outside bazaar. The place was a about 1 to 2 blocks long. Lots of hand made goods. Clothes, leather, paintings, crafts, rugs, and lots of medicine tools. Beakers, forcipes, dental picks, lots of fake teeth. They had a place to buy puppies, it was a eastern European one stop shop. I bought a few things for people, some purses, a mug, and I finally found Hash a t-shirt. I love Armenia. Hes always asked for one and I could never find one. This one was extra special because the heart was a pomegranate. The Armenians are all about pomegranate. It’s a visual representation of their country and religion. I explain later in a few days. They are also pretty big into Mt. Ararat. Mt. Ararat is the believed final resting place of Noah’s Ark. You will find a lot of Noah’s Ark references in and around the country. You can see Mr. Ararat from Yerevan, that’s the name of the capital and where I was staying. Unfortunately for the Armenians, none of Mt. Ararat is in Armenia. Armenia is a very small country similar in size to West Virginia. Well, over the years they have gotten their asses whooped but the Turks, Azerbaijan’s, and whoever else felt like it. They have no land, but they are still a proud people and a nation of hotties. That’s where the Kardashians are from. The cute one, not the pig faced one. After I was done shopping I went back to the area where I got lost, I did stumble upon a donner place. Mmm how I love donner kebobs. So I ordered, or at least I pointed to stuff and put money in my hands. I don’t feel I was ripped off. Well soft drinks in Europe usually come in gay .2L, that’s basically 2 big swallows. So I was sitting at a table, I got up to get another Pepsi, came back, came around the corner, and my stuff was gone. I thought okay…..WTF…..I asked the cleaning lady who spoke no English where my shit was, she brought me a tray. I looked in the garbage thinking she threw it away. And the heaviest realization came over me, I had been robbed. I lost my appetite, I felt violated, I started to sob on in the inside, I wanted to scream, and I felt cold; all over some mugs, purses and an I <3 style=""> The ten minute walk back to the hotel took about 2 hours. I felt like those stick figures in anti-depressant commercials. Where the rainy cloud is only over you. I got back and told my coworkers. Some were apologetic, some were concerned, one wondered why I had left my stuff at the table when I got up to get something else to drink. “You shouldn’t leave your stuff unattended” Fuck you!‼ I haven’t been robbed in 26 years, why would that even cross my mind. Get up for two minutes, come back, and your stuff is still there is not a novel idea. So after our little meeting I went back out with my friend and bought all of my shit back. I thought, you know what, I make way more than you bastards, I may have a small penis, but my wallet is thick and fat. I bought everything I lost, the vendors looked at me perplexed. You can see it in their eyes, “weren’t you just here, why do you want the same crap I just sold you” Just put it in the bag you old bitty. Its probably a scam, sell you something, someone comes and steals it, then you have to go and re buy it. So that was my Saturday, I was mostly feeling better by the end of the day. Nothing food and beer couldn’t fix.

Sunday

This is our day to get prepped for the conference. It’s a pretty easy day. We don’t do much, Im usually acting like a gopher or canyoudo. I cant even think what we did that day or night. So im just going to tell you about the wild dogs that roam the streets. That’s an interesting story right?!?! So, in Republic Square there live about 7-8 dogs. You are thinking, no big deal Jacob, in fact, yawn. Well on the Department of State website they actually warn you about roaming packs of stray dogs. These dogs are like little gangs and they are very territorial. Not towards humans, we rock the top of the food chain for a reason. But of other dog gangs. This one little dog got a little too close and the whole pack chased him down. They bit him and nipped at him. Felt bad, because the alpha dog was like a German Sheppard Chow mix. This other dog was like a terrier off breed or something else pretty small. Poor little lamb. The dogs just how at night, chase cabs, and sleep during the day. Why the people put up with it in their fancy square I don’t know, but rather interesting to see something on a State report actually come true.

Monday

Its not often I go out with the intention of getting drunk, but today I was feeling some alchy-hol time. Their national beer is pretty weak, not very tasty. I always feel bad for these people who have such nationalist pride in their beer and it taste like my piss, but oh well. I found a smaller brewery that was pretty darn tasty. One of my coworkers and I sat, had some pizza, and drank about 2 liters. I was certainly in buzzville and pretty much on my way to drunkenstein. I could tell I was talking a little louder, but nothing I couldn’t handle. Went to the store, got some chocolate, because I tend to get a sweet tooth when drinking, chugged some water and went to bed.

Tuesday

What the F*$% was in that beer? I felt like a bag of ass had its own bag of ass. I should totally be able to hand 2 liters of beer. That’s about 5 or 6 US beers. The name of the beer was Kotayk Gold. It was 7% alcohol and it leveled me. I woke up and showered, that didn’t make me feel better. I checked for cancer, that didn’t make me feel better. I had breakfast, that didn’t make me feel better. So I went to work and just drank water. Sucky, Tuesday is our busiest day of the conference, that’s when everybody needs something. So I was on my feet all morning. Lots of burps, the burps that taste like throw up. Finally made it to lunch and decided I was just going to take a nap. I laid there but couldn’t fall asleep. The sheets were cold and so was the pillow, I was in heaven. Went back down to work and no one was there. We got 1.5 hours of lunch at this conference. So I went back up to my room and laid down. As I was drifting to sweet repose I took that first long swallow. Ran to bathroom and learned a new language. You can add Armenia to my list of languages that Im fluent in toilet. That made me feel somewhat better, but not totally. Barfing is supposed to be the ultimate fix all, Kotayk Gold was not going down without a fight. The rest of the day dragged out, I ate some snacks and drank lots of water. I was feeling marginally better. Every Tuesday night is our ice breaker. The Armenians out did themselves and took us to a brandy factory. They were offering 10 and 25 year old cognac and 66 and 99 year old wine. Man I really wish I was not feeling so poor. Maybe cognac will make me feel better. Nope. Maybe wine older than my grandma will make me feel better. Nopers. But I can now say I have had 25 year old cognac. I don’t know enough about cognac to know that 25 year is better than 5 year. The old wines, though, were something totally different. The 99 year old wine tasted like prune juice. You know when you swirl wine it leaves a slight layer around the glass. Well this did it to, but it was closer to syrup than liquid. The wine was thick and was very sweet. Couldn’t taste any alcohol, I don’t know if after that much aging the alcohol goes away, but it was only okay since Im not that much a fan of prune juice.

Wednesday

Woke up and felt much better. My body 1, Kotayk Gold 1. Youll rue the day KG. Didn’t do much this day except eat like a behemoth. I didn’t have much to eat on Tuesday and my body was in serious need of calories. So I obliged, big breakfast, big lunch, and big dinner.

Thursday

Was just a regular day at work and I was feeling a massage at dinner. One of the guys on the trip is someone who I get along with extraordinarily. I wanted to eat dinner with him every night. So the question was do I skip the massage or skip dinner with him. Well, in Jacob Land, you always have more than one choice. We do get 1.5 hours for lunch, why don’t I try and sneak one in. Kill two birds at one time, massage and lunch. Yummo! So I got a massage and it was pretty rocking. It was 60 bucks for 60 minutes. That’s exactly what Im willing to pay for. $ a minute. She spent a long time on my back side and paid a good amount of time to my ass. My ass needs love too, it’s a huge muscle. Well the massage ran a little long and I showed up to late work. Of course everyone noticed. I had to explain myself and some were upset, disappointed, but Im still employed. It had been three days since my last soiree with beer. So I thought tonight, will be round 2 with KG. I had some pizza and 1 liter of KG. Was barely in buzzville. Went home and went to bed.

Friday

You have got to be kidding me, son of a bitch. What the funk is in this beer. I did not feel as bad as Tuesday morning, but it was not a blessed morning. Water and breakfast fixed things, but man alive if I cant handle 1 liter, I must be getting soft and old. Well most of the people on my team felt this way. There must be some chemicals or some feces or something that is just not agreeing with me when it comes to this beer. This was the last day of the conference so it wasn’t too bad to deal with things, we packed up, went to closing ceremonies, and call it a day. That afternoon they had our cultural tour. We went to the head of the Armenian Church. I guess Catholic and Orthodox are the biggest denominations, Armenian is a close second. We had a very attractive tour guide, so I learned loads of information. She gave us fun facts about the cognac factory we went to, the beer breweries, Mt. Ararat, and the Church. Very informative and very interesting. The church was very pretty and ornate inside. Not much else to say about that, but youll see it in pictures next week. She did explain what the significance of the pomegranate is. There are more Armenians outside of Armenia than there are in Armenia. How many times can you write Armenian in one sentence? So the pomegranate is Armenia and when you break it up all the little fruits are the Armenians from around the globe. There is also significance with the religion but I forget now. We got back from the tour, went upstairs and got dressed for the party. I was rocking a bow tie, that I tied myself. Everyone smirked, but I got more compliments than hatorade. I think I will wear a bow tie next time. Plus, at the end of the night when you untie I look super GQ smooth. A la George Clooney, except Im better. That’s not me saying that, someone did a scientific poll. The dinner was great. We had awesome dancers, the girls did some crappy interpretive dance with pomegranates. Blah. The guys were way better. They were jumping, flipping, fighting, and drinking. It was super entertaining. They also had some military singers. They were singing these big booming bombastic ballads; alliteration FTW‼! Im not sure if they are patriotism songs or former USSR songs. The country as we know it now is only 18 years old. In fact it was the Armys 18^th birthday on Thursday. But I was a little tipsy by the time they started singing. It sounded like something out of a propaganda video. All I knew was that I wanted to crush capitalism, reaganomics, and shoulder pads!‼ The dinner ended kind of early, 1030. I could go for a lot more partying, but I decided I didn’t want to ruin Saturday for myself since I was going to get a half day in London. Partying with one certain Nina Cocina or Nina Vagina, depending on which 17 year old Jacob you talk to‼!

Saturday

Woke up had some awesome breakfast and made our way to the airport. The entire plane was made up of people from the conference. So it was packed, but luckily the middle seat was empty between me and aisle. We were on British Midland Air. Not bad, not bad at all. Good service, cute girls, and good food. Movies sucked, but oh well. I talked to my seat mate for a good while. We landed and made the trek to Heathrow Hilton. 30 minutes later Nina called and we were off to get HRC pins, Indian food, and toast pints to the queen.

Nina

So Nina goes to school there in London and I thought, even though everything is in English I have no idea how to get around. So I enlisted her help. Plus, I was the first friend to visit her. So, to all of her top tier friends, SUCK IT!‼ Heathrow is about 45 minutes outside of London, so we had a pretty long tube ride. I told her all about what I just told you all. Learned all about life as a doctor, I have to say its kind of like scrubs. So first and foremost we made our way to the HRC. The London HRC is the first one and it was established in 1971, bet you didn’t know that. Well I didn’t get official credit for the visit because the idiot behind the counter doesn’t know how to swipe a card or something. Who know when Ill be there again, but whatever. I know Ive been there. Everything there is worth taking a picture of. The statues, the homes, the buildings, the red phone booths, the red double decker busses. Since, its winter we only had about 2-3 hours of sunlight. But oh well. After HRC we went to see Big Ben and Westminster Abbey. We saw the Thames and the Eye of London. We went to Piccadilly Circus. There were just over way too many people there. Lots of theaters and lots of Union Jack crap to buy. So of course I bought some Union Jack underwear. TO THE QUEEN. We went and got some Indian food. There is quite a large Indian population in England. Their food rocks. We had a pretty sweet price fixe dinner. Appetizers, two entrees, naan bread, pistachio ice cream and cobra beer‼ Get some. It was only about 8 at this time, so we made a quick walk to the pub. Got some beer, Nina got some wine. TO THE QUEEN‼ We mostly talked and caught up, made fun of the English, got another beer. TO THE QUEEN‼! Around I decided to call it a night, since the trains stopped running at 11 and I had to go to the end of the line. Boy that was a long ride, pass out, wake up, uh, where am I, ohh not my stop. Pass out, wake up, uh, where am I, ohh not my stop. The last stop on the train was Heathrow. Made it home a little after midnight.

Sunday

Woke up super early with severe dry mouth. Oh well, THE QUEEN appreciates it. This was my first flight home to the US after the Christmas day bombings, attempted. I guess it had been long enough since the attempt, there was not really any extra checks or security that I could tell. Stuff on the plane was also pretty much the same. Good because I was flying home in business and needed my beauty sleep. The rest of the way home was pretty innocuous.

Until we meet again,

Jacob

s-s-s-serbia photos

s-s-s-serbia photos

Some pictures from the land of serb.




From my hotel room




glowing horse




advertisements, im glad we werent staying there, no sleep




some murder fog




inside the fortress




chic




haute couture




gq




bedazzle me




ribbons and medals




bullets, bombs, ballistics, b****




the beacon of the night




so white




construction on the inside




wall


So, I didnt too much in Serbia, but Ive done more than you have.

See you next week.

ex oh ex oh

jacob

serbia

Serbia was 20 days after Japan and I was in no hurry to go. In fact, if the powers that be had asked if I wanted to go, theres a possibility I would have said no. I was just tired of planes, airports, time zone changes, and there was nothing else for me to gain with AA. I had already made executive platinum. The more miles the better, but I had already acquired 110,000 miles. I can fly whenever, wherever for free…many times over. Well as you all know I got on the plane. As many of you don’t know, Im super behind on these blogs. Its been two months…and really after that behemoth of a Japan blog Im not going to write much on this one. maybe MAYBE three pages. We’ll see what happens.

Saturday

We were actually able to get to Serbia in one day. They bought our tickets pretty late and I guess they had money to spend so we didn’t have to overnight on the way there. Nothing memorable happened on the flights, clearly, because I cant remember anything about them. The movies probably sucked because I had seen everything that AA had to offer.

Sunday

Arrive in Serbia. We actually were staying at a very, extremely nice Hyatt regency. Some way or another I was on the Executive floor too. The room was bigger than my apartment. We had a separate place for breakfast and at night they had happy hour for us. FREE HAPPY HOUR!!!! Unfortunately, this hotel was not near anything. We were near a mall, it had a food court, but for any restaurants you had to take a cab. This guy passed away while we were here. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Patriarch_Pavle_of_Serbia

The city is very religious and all forms of entertainment and quite a few restaurants had shut down in mourning. So there were even less choices for restaurants and television. I don’t think I watched TV at all while I was there.

Monday

Did not sleep very well. The thermostat was not working too well. Woke up sweating and not for the good reasons. Hey-yo!!! We did some stuff at work, went and got some pizza at lunch, did some stuff, then went to dinner. The free happy hour at night was very nice; they had very good snacks. When I was at dinner on this night we saw a line and decided to follow it. It’s a good thing we didn’t stand in line, because this thing snaked forever. It was a line to a church, I think half the city was at church praying. It was very interesting to see this. I don’t remember anything like this when John Paul II died. I guess they are much more religious here than in America.

Tuesday-Wednesday

We didn’t really do much at work these days, just the regular work stuff and nothing I care to talk about and nothing I care to remember. One of the night we went to old town. It was a really pretty area, cobbly cobblestoned streets. The fortress was very cool, especially at night since the area tended to become fogged over at night. So that was very nice to walk around.

Thursday

When I talk about this hotel being very nice. It was huge. The bathroom alone was half the size of my place. It had a big walk in shower. And a big tub. I could actually have my legs locked while sitting in the and have some upper body under water. Thursday after work I got a massage and it was pretty sweet. The girl was not good looking. But the general quotient for massages is. Awesomeness = The uglier the girl, the better the skilled they are. The hotter they are, who cares. Therefore, you can never have a bad massage because a girl is rubbing you down while you are naked. The hot girl is hot, so she gets a pass. The ugly knows she has to make up for it, so she tries harder. Now if you can get the twofer, hot girl and good masseuse; well my friend, you have got yourself a keeper. After my massage I went up to my room and turned the shower on hot and turned the bath water on hot. I got in, cracked a beer, ate some pizza, burped, and watched Venture Bros. It was pretty freaking sweet. Came out of the bath sweating, pruney, and feeling like awesome. It was choice.

Friday

This was the last day like always. Everything went off without a hitch, but this was the first time they decided to have the cultural tour on a Friday. This meant we had the tour, return from tour, quickly change, and go to the cultural dinner. Well, I will never say no to a tour. Even if some of my coworkers do, for the sole reason they are lame. Even if you have been to this country before, even if you have seen this castle, this fortress, this church, this whatever; it won’t hurt you to take it in again. The tour really sucked, but how many of you have been to Belgrade and checked things out. We went to the fortress and we went to a war museum. You couldn’t really see anything because it was very foggy, but it was still nice. Then we went to the church where that guys funeral was. It was super. The church was huge, it had five big dome sections. The choir was doing some awesome chants. Had just the best time. That night was the cultural dinner and I had a descent enough time. They had some music, but nothing that seemed to scream authentic Serbian. The food was okay, nothing that I seem to have remembered, but I always enjoy suiting up. And who doesn’t like a suited up Jacob?

Saturday

We didn’t have to get up at the butt crack of dawn for our flight. I like. I went to the mall that morning and did some shopping. But some shirt from a store that is based in California. I get to California just as often as I get to Serbia, so I though, I must own this; when will I be here again? We flew to Frankfurt, overnighted there and then on to American the next day. That night, I went out for pizza with one of my coworkers. I hadn’t had pizza all week and was desperately craving some carbs. The rest of the team was being lame and trying to hold a coup against me. They were following me, but getting mad, because they didn’t think I knew where I was going. The senior most guy sort of kind of knew where he was going, but those were in different directions. So he thought, my pizza place and their meat place were in the same direction. I promptly ditched them, au revoir mofos! Had a fun filled evening with my cool coworker, we bashed them a little.

Sunday

Came home, uneventfully. Unevenfully, is the based way to come home from overseas.

Thanks so much and make it a great day,

Jakov