Buono Sera and welcome to Italy. Commence blog in tre, duo, uno.
Thursday
Sweet leaving super early don’t why but I’ll take it. We flew to Dallas, chilled in the lounge and then boarded the plane. I had a broken TV and I alerted the flight attendant to that. She said I’ll go reset it. Okay well nothing happened, so I asked again, YES ILL DO IT RIGHT NOW. Whoa, chill bitch. I just wanted to double check before you get to busy with meal service and everything else you do. The chick next to me was a British chick who said she planned to sleep the whole flight so she would switch with me. So I said sure but let’s wait to see if it resets. So the British chick asked and the flight attendant was like, MA'AM I DID IT TWICE, IM GOING TO BRING HIM A NEW UNIT. So the British chick switched with me, what a nice girl, and then she went to bed. She did use the secondary unit, it was super small and I’m glad I didn’t have to use it. So I lucked out. The flight attendant was not very happy with me the rest of the flight. Especially when I started asking for more and more water. Too bad, I know I’m not the worst passenger she has ever had, nowhere close.
Friday
Landed in London and had the glorious luck of having to go to Gatwick for our next flight. So get our luggage, get on some bus, drive out there, check back in, and sit in the lounge. Since there were only a few of us we went to the first class lounge, but it kind of sucked because it’s too quiet and too pretentious. I actually left and went to the business class lounge so that I could get some non snob food. Chilled for an hour or so and then headed to our gate. Then I had the glorious privilege of riding to Naples with a bunch of soccer hooligans. These assholes; if I were tougher or meaner I would have caused an international incident and beat the flying fuck out of them. We had a 2.5 hour flight from London to Naples. These guys were the most rowdy raucous guys I have dealt with. The entire plane ride they were up out of their seats, running around, yelling, shouting, and climbing over people, rude. Just abhorring. The flight attendants were incapable and probably unwilling. It was a British airways crew, spit spot hello love god save the queen cheerio. So what are they going to do to hooligans? Ummm....sir...excuse me sir...um the fasten seat belt sign is on....maybe you need to sit down. Yeah, that timidity gets nothing done. So we just had to put up with it. I was on the outskirts; my coworker was actually in ground zero. He definitely got hooligan-ed on. Got to the airport and they picked us up and what should have been about a 45 minute – 1 hour drive turned into 2 hours because of traffic. I was in no mood to go to bed so we went out to dinner. Explored the city, got lost, and then found a really good pizzeria. Super tasty and authentic. The wine was fantastic and they even served us up a lot of Limoncello. Limoncello is like a grain alcohol with lemon peels or vodka with lemon peels. Really good stuff. REALLY GOOD STUFF. Kicked off and went to bed.
Saturday
Slept until about 6, we weren’t supposed to be at breakfast until 9, couldn’t wait cuz I was so hungry and thirsty. Went down and had a nice huge breakfast. We looked around to see if there was any work to do, but there really wasn’t, not that early anyways. So we opted to go to Pompeii instead. Hopped on the train and made the journey out there. It was freaking sweet. Such a cool archaeological site. So many cool buildings and relics. Very advanced for 2000 years ago. Saw the dead bodies and pets. Seems like people were flash-fried. I mean the bodies are in positions of hiding, ducking, covering. Really interesting. They had multiple amphitheaters and I don’t know what else just really cool. They even had a brothel with porn. 2000 year old porn. Extremely graphic Kama sutra style. It was awesome. Had a drink just before twilight and then headed back to town. Walked around and found a nice restaurant, had some more WINE. Went back to my room and passed-out.
Sunday
This was our first work day and I did a little bit of stuff but not really, just surfed the internet. Yes, I really only do that…ever. I worked on a speech, but not really, I wanted to see if I could wing it. Practice that aspect of my speech. I got off about 4 that day and went into town to do some shopping. Saw some of the Finnish guys and bought some wine and limoncello. Headed back to the hotel, met up with my coworkers and we went back into town for another awesome meal, WINE, and gelato. Man I love this place.
Monday
Everything went well this day. I gave my first of two speeches. It went well, no questions, but a few comments. It was the pre conference day so mostly people were working amongst themselves. That night we went out for another dinner, another amazing dinner, WINE, and gelato!!
Tuesday
Tuesday was the kickoff of the conference. Opening ceremony and all of that happiness. Picture, roll call of nations, coffee break, and all that is involved. I gave a brief to the delegations chiefs. These are the heads of each nation that come. It was the same speech from Monday, I winged it again, it wasn’t as smooth as the day before, I think because I was a little nervous, plus I had to work the microphone and the projector. After I spoke the Dutch Del Chief asked me a bunch of questions that had nothing to do with what I just briefed. I didn’t know how to answer, but through the power of tabletopics I delivered the stinkiest pile of educated BS I could conjure. He didn’t like the answer, so he re-worded the question. Well, I reworded the BS and finally the US guys backed me and said to follow my answer. JUSTICE! I got an at-a-boy from my boss, much appreciated. The rest of the day was pretty chill. Went to dinner, then headed to the icebreaker. It was okay. Most of my friends left from last year, so I don’t really have too many friends left, so I just hung out with the US people. It was alright.
Wednesday
Another day of showing up to work, but not really working. I had planned to do other things with my time there in Italy, but the technical working groups I support were quite ready for me. They were too busy planning stuff and closing out stuff and trying to get organized for this upcoming year. So I had to sit on the bench and wait for the next conference. I don’t need to repeat what I did for dinner do I……FOOD, WINE, GELATO. All of it better than anything American Italian food has to offer.
Thursday
Went to work yeah yeah yeah. Thursday was our traditional which is total crap. I shouldn’t be offered the chance to party it up and then be expected to be at work all tip top and proper. The food was really good lots of seafood. It was a sit down dinner, but they allowed us to get seconds or at least I got seconds. Of course the wine there is really good, you can drink and drink and drink and nothing happens. Then this one dude brought out the jack, well I don’t care if its jack original, gentleman jack, or jacks uncle. Enough of that garbage and you will feel it the next day. Had a really nice time with some new friends, a Mexican, a Portuguese, a Belgium, a French, and a Texan. That was my company for the evening…..
Friday
Uggh why does my head hurt oh yeah cuz I drank Tennessee fire water all night. After breakfast and lots of water and tea all systems returned to normal. This was our last day of work and it was also my last day of eggplant parmagiana for lunch. This stuff was so freaking good, its addicting, and I guess it really is. I was telling my friend how I couldn’t get enough, he said that nicotine is a naturally occurring substance in eggplant. You get hooked fast evidently. We packed up everything and went out to dinner. The Italians hosted another night but we opted out. We went to the dinner that we had to pay but we didn’t do the dinner that was free. Hmmm go figure. It turned out to be a really late night for everyone. They didn’t get home until 130 in the morning. And they didn’t eat until close to 9. I don’t care about staying up late, but I do care about not eating until bed time.
Saturday
Said our goodbyes to people and made the journey out to Naples. People were telling me how nasty Naples was and I thought, nahhhh, couldn’t be. Buy yahhhhh could be. Naples has roving sanitation strikes. I guess the workers get fed up and they just let the shit pile up. I didn’t see trash piles, but the city definitely was polluted. Dark, dingy, and trash, it wasn’t epic, but had no one made that comment to me, I would have observed it anyway. The airport wasn’t anything to write home about. Got slapped down for having more than one piece of luggage, had to pay excess baggage fees. The flight was pretty harmless this time around; no hooligans. Had to do the same transit back to Heathrow. We were staying at the Hilton there. We went out on the town that night. It was crazy packed, I don’t know why either. They closed the subway it was that crowded. Reedicurous! We found a restaurant and had a bunch of English food. Lots of pies, pot pies, shepherds pie, fishermans pie, and the lot. Very tasty and a nice change. Although I think I could eat authentic Italian food all day every day. Our trip back to the hotel was pretty easy. I stayed down in the lobby and had a drink then went off to slumber.
Sunday
I did not get my upgrade and it was most dissatisfying. I hadn’t sat in coach on American in almost two years. TWO YEARS. Keep in mind you get accustomed quickly, like within the first five minutes you are like ahh this is the life, garcon….chop chop with my order. I had a descent seat in coach but I ended up sitting next to this British dude with horrible halitosis. If theres one thing I cant stand its halitosis, BO sure, its ever present and your olfactory just gets used to it, but stank breath sneaks up on you every so often and judo-chops your nasal lining. I was minding my own business and then this dude would exhale in my general direction, I thought I was puke, vomit, or throw-up, or all three. The food in coach sucks arse as you can expect, but just American. Other companies meal service is quite nice. The movie selection is worse than the Lifetime channel. So I was just an unhappy camper. Well 10 hours into this nasal warfare I developed a migraine. Only two things trigger migraines for me, halitosis and wet flour. I didn’t pick my trigger, that’s just what they are. So I drank lots of water and tried to get as much air as possible. It was really hot on the plane. Luckily I made it through customs, immigration, security and general population. I ended up getting sick in the Admirals Lounge, but what better place to get sick then in the cleanest restroom in the airport. Unfortunately, regurgitation did not bring relief. At that time I was still scheduled for coach, when I got to the gate I noticed I had been upgraded. Zoo we mama. I got on the flight, put the air on full blast, put the blanket over me, put the eye mask on, and put the noise canceling headphones on. It was tropospheric bliss. Landed in Tucson feeling like a million bucks. Don’t know if it was the shock of sitting in coach, the dudes breath, or even the food. But if you can avoid it, please do yourself a favor and sit in business.
So that was my Italy trip in a nutshell.
Thanks for reading
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Jacob
The Southern Arizona Racquetball Championships are back and I was nervous as nervous could be. I had a chip on my shoulder about my ranking. Im currently 158 in the state, 6486 of all the people who have played in the last 13 months and 19052 of all the people who have played in the last three years! I really feel that this number is not indicative how good I am, yet I hadn’t proved to this anyone. So instead of going into the place calm, cool, and collected; I went in with heart racing and high blood pressure.
Friday
Left work early to get there on time. Due to traffic and lots of rain it took me almost 2 hours. It should have taken roughly 1 hour and 20 minutes. I get there and they tell me to get warmed up. So I quickly change and get onto the court to hit around. Trying to get warm and trying to get settled. I was playing an older guy in the first round. I made the mistake of looking at his ranking before we began. He was ranked much higher than me. As my number is not reflective of me, this too could have been the tale for him, either way I let it bother me. I managed to win the first game. Pretty quickly too. Then in the second game he made a call against me, but let it go, I took advantage of it and he got mad. Then once he was mad he started making more and more mistakes. And would you know it I was into the round of 16; just like that. I thought all was well in the world, thinking I didn’t have to play the rest of the night, but I had a match in about 1 hour from that time. I was playing this dude who was a walking billboard for a manufacturer. At this level it doesn’t mean much, it just means he paid the money to represent them. A marketers wet dream!!! It doesn’t me he’s so good that they give him stuff. Well I quickly dispatch him in the first game. Hes ticked, especially because his partner was video taping him, and I waxed him up and down the court. The next game we are going back and fourth pretty good, and one point he hits the ball, falls down, doesn’t get back up, I continue the play and put the ball away. He takes his time and getting up and then takes a medical time out. He came back in the court and is saying its his turn. Sorry, but falling down is not my fall, not getting back up is not my fault. I stood my ground and he got pissed. I was up three points and quickly comes back and goes ahead. We eventually are tied at 14 a piece, not wanting to go to tie breaker I manage to get back in the servers box. I serve ball, he returns it, I hit it pretty hard, so hard that hes waiting for it to come off the back wall, it hits the back wall and dies. Hello quarterfinals!
Saturday
I woke up pretty tired and pretty sore. I had to be at the gym by 9. I show up and Im delayed. I end up being delayed for 3.4 hours. I mean come on. The reason Im delayed is that kid is playing back to back matches and they allowed him to eat and rest. Stipulations of playing two divisions means having to play back to back possibly. I would have appreciated the courtesy too, but its never been afforded to me. So I finally get him on the court and he warms up for forever. Finally I said lets go. He was a young guy from Hermosillo, but the end of the match he turned into a young punk from Mexico in my mind. I beat him in the first game and hes screaming all sorts of profanities in Spanish. Its like a home game for him too, his whole family is in the gallery hooping and hollering for him. Encouraging him, whistling for him. In the first game he comes back and kicks my ass….handily. So now Im kind of worried. Im thinking here comes the same ol Jacob who cant close. Keep it up, play smart with finesse. That’s the key right there. I imagine power and precision would generally win out. Most people who have power don’t have much precision and vice versa. So you have a cannon, so what. In my case I can hit the ball somewhat, but more importantly I can aim it. Plus, Im older and not so easy to get flustered. So I just stayed calm, tried to hit high percentage shots and came away with a win. I later found out that that dude was 13. Suck it 1997!
After the match I was making small talk with people. I met his uncle who I ended up playing in the next round. He was nice. Not intimidating or anything, just as courteous as could be. I didn’t really care, I was on cloud nine.
I got some lunch and headed for my next match. The guy I was playing was so tired that I didn’t beat him easily, but I beat him fast. I think if he were more rested he would have put up more of an effort, but Ill take my W.
After I beat down the 13 year old I was really tired. I had no more gas and my deltoid was on fire. It hurt and it was hot to the touch. My next match was against the uncle and he beat me down. He beat me down because he was better than me, but also because he had to stand up for his family. Even on a full tank of gas I probably wouldn’t have beat him, he was that good. He was definitely playing open racquetball. I tried to conserve energy; every once and awhile I would exert myself but I felt it was futile. I had made a statement by getting out of the first round. To whom? I don’t know, mostly to myself. I had to prove I could do that. And since this was a sanctioned tournament everyone will now know. So I finished up the match, shook his hand and began to get ready for the B semi-finals. I was dog ass tired. The guy I was playing had just ate and they allotted him 2 hours to digest. WHAT. THE. FUCK. No where else would this have happened. I was pissed and so were the racquetball gods. I came out guns ablazin and won the first match. And then I was through. No one else was watching us. It was us and the tournament director. I had no more gas. I lost 15-3 and 11-1. He ended up winning the whole thing which sucks, because I know had I more energy it wouldn’t have been a problem. Then I can tell myself I would have won the whole thing. Had someone told me I would be playing for Bronze on Sunday I would have told them to shut the fuck up, but I was happy to be playing for third. They say the happiest people at the Olympics are the Gold and Bronze medal winners. Gold because they won, Bronze because they are thankful to get on the podium.
Sunday
I now know what it will feel like to wake up at 72. My left calf hurt, both ass cheeks were sore. My right shoulder hurt and everything was stiff. Any amount of stretching required grunting and sighing. I went to church that day, said some prayers and headed out to the gym. There was nothing I could do to loosen up. I did get warmer, but that was about it. The guy shows up, Man I just want to go home, Im tired, Im sore, Im cranky. Ahhh good. I beat him easily in the first round. Even tired Jacob has long arms and can hustle a lit bit. Come back and he wipes the floor with me. Damn, was he sandbagging I think. Hey man were you sandbagging, Nope I was just asleep. I always play well in the second round. As we are between matches he goes back to the lobby. There was a certain individual their suffering from sour grapes. Hes trying to tell this guy that Im no good, keep him in the back. The guy defends me, says hes quick and hes long and I cant pass him. Nah hes no good just keep after it. As he says that last sentence he sees Im in earshot and quickly walks away. The last match, which only goes to 11, lasted for about 30 minutes it seemed. No one wanted to concede but no one could get any points either. It was all due to lack of energy. Finally at 8-8 I get some momentum after a 10 hit rally. I finish up 9, 10, 11. Walk out a victor in my own right. That dude and I talked for awhile afterwards. We made fun of all the “sponsored” kids. We made fun of the dudes who get mad. It was a lot of fun, I got my picture taken. The tournament directors were very proud of me. Jacob…playing on a Sunday. I don’t believe it. Everyone was much nicer to me too. I guess no one wants to talk to a loser.
So I ended up winning 5 of 7 matches. Placed 3rd in B’s, placed 5th in A’s. I think this is going to be the tipping point for me. I think winning begets winning. I think that most of my exhaustion came from my brain not shutting up and shutting off. Thanks to everyone who believed in me, but more importantly thanks to all the people who doubted me. “Why do you even play” “Why do you enter tournaments” “Why are you entering that division” “You should be playing two divisions down”
Well fuck you, and fuck her too.
All my love,
jacob
OLD JACOB NEW JACOB
STATE 158 66
NATIONAL 6486 3129
