dallas times three

dallas times three

I was hoping to go to Puerto Penansco for Memorial Day Weekend, but not enough people wanted to go, or could get time off, or had money. No worries, I'll just go to DFW and party there.

I was upgraded on my 2 hour flight Tucson to DFW and Scott, the first-class attendant, hooked me up with 7 vodka and orange juices. Yes, I was still flying high when I landed. Booth and I went to Smokey Bones, which is like Hooters meets BBQ, only better food and better looking girls. Next, we went and got some culture at the 6th steet book depository. They have a museum set up for Kennedy's assassination. Interesting stuff. They even had the uneditited Zapruder film. I had never seen this before, Kennedys head opens up, my jaw dropped and jumped. Crazy!

From the building

Another angle

A plaque

From the grassy knoll

The actual spot

Where conspiracy theorist believe the other shooter was

a building across the street

I think Ive seen everything there is to see for Kennedy, this museum, his library, his grave at Arlington. (awkward segue) Afterwords we went to Booths place, chilled and waited for another gy to drive up from Beaumont. I played GTAIV, pretty cool game. Did a little drunk driving, got a couple of lap dances, got into a couple of fights, a grandma beat me up, and got some hookers. What else could you ask for in a game? Then we played some GHIII, I smoked Booth, then I got a headache. I realized for the first time in my life I was hungover in the same day. Place a check mark against another life accomplishment. Slammed a bunch of water and then we went out to eat. We went to place called Cubra Libre, I didnt feel like having one so I just had some beer. I ordered quesadillas as my meal and Booth was concerned for me and my lack of appetite. I told him since Ive been back from Germany I just havent really been that hungry. He didnt buy that and called me a pussy. To put his mind at ease and prove my metabolism is still strong. I told him I ate pork and pork by products 3 times a day for 19 days straight all while quenching my thirst with beer and I lost 7 lbs. Conversation over.! After dinner we went to a bar called Gingerbread mans, I think that was the name, or at least we wanted to go there. Unfortunately, Booth left his credit card at the restaurant and we had to go back to get it. When we finally got there I was very pleased with the beer selection. We had our choice of about 65 different beers on tap. Good stuff! Afterwards we went to another bar, but I have no recollection. I was just ready to go home, because we had to get up at seven for golf. That fact was lost on Booth and the other guy, because they played GHIII, very badly I might add, until 3 am. Ive been told I can sleep when Im dead, but Im tired leave me alone.

Saturday
Golf was good, I woke up with a sad, very sad stomach. Through the power of green tea and pop tarts I overcame and was able to hit the ball like a son of a bitch. I shot a 102, not bad for not playing since last June. Everyone was impressed with my iron play. Long and straight. Thats all Im good at though, no putting or chipping or driving. Most people would give up those skills to hit irons long and straight. At least thats what they are saying at me in between curse words.

mike

the guy i keep referring to as "the other guy"

and pure slop

After golf we went to a hamburger cafe, I ate a hamburger in about 6 bites. I dont each much any more, but I can still put it away before you finish half of your food. We went home, showered, napped, and then met one of Booths friends at a Bavarian restaurant. I really wasnt in the mood for German food, but Im always in the mood for German beer so that was okay. I accidentaly ordered potato spatzel, which is a lot like noodles. I dont really like them, but I had forgot what they were called. When I didnt finish them you would have thought I slapped our waitress's mother, she was so upset and offended. Tough cookies. Next we went to a bar and met some other UTEP Alumni people and watched the UFC fight. Im dont normally watch UFC, but there were some pretty good hits and some high fives going around. I didnt hate it. After the matches were over we went home.

Sunday we slept in and went to IHOP, I never think to go to IHOP, but everytime I've been its been great. I had two eggs, english muffins, bacon, hash browns, put it away in 5 minutes. Oh yeah, nothing like refueling. I cant remember what we did after that. I think just chilled and I did some homework. Oh I remember now, we went to see the new Indiana Jones movie. It was alright, very much like a National Treasure movie, and I didnt really like Shia LeBeouf's character. After the movie we went out to a lake in Lewisville. Have you ever been out to Wet 'n' Wild and seen everyone bbqing and all the kids running around in their underwear and fat people swimming with shirts on. Yeah, it felt like home. They also didnt allow drinking so it felt like being underage again. Taking sips from beers after the cops and rent a cops walked passed. So we decided to got to a legit bar and drink legit beers. We went to a place called sneaky petes. It was a really cool place, gazebo bar, 4 sand volleyball courts, sports bar, pool bar, pool, stage for live music. Lots of co-eds in bikinis, not too bad. We were there from about 8 to 2 am. Watched the spurs win, Oh yeah, that doesnt matter now, but it made the night that much better. Two stories I want to share with you. We were walking around and someone laughed in my general direction. No big deal, I didnt even think twice. But Booth decided to make an incident. "Are you laughing at my friend?", The guy said what. "Are you laughing at my friend?" He said no, I would tell you if I was. "Alright, then" Jeez, Booth, what are you doing. Who cares if someone laughs at me. The other friend said. Yeah man, I dont feel like fighting anyone, I said. Fuck that, no ones going to make fun of my friends. It was no big deal I said. Fuck 'em, I've got a black belt in Tae Kwan Do. I dont care if you are packing .45s. Chillax! Next incident took place a little later in the night. I had about 8 beers and about 8 waters, so I was feeling fine, and bloated, but still fine. Booth had about 13 and said he was good to drive. We took the other guy home about 2 miles down the road, but I didnt like Booth driving. So I took the keys. I was doing the speed limit and driving at 10 and 2 and here come the fuzz. Im thinking to myself, Im perfectly coherent, I can do some Calculus, but Im sure Im over .08. So he comes over and goes through his basic questioning. Curious as to why Im driving, wants to know where we were drinking and how much. I have to get out of the car, but Im confident I can pass any field sobriety test. Except for backwards alphabet, I cant do that sober. Turns out we were pulled over for broken liscence plate light and expired registration. Fucking Booth! He told me to have him get his shit fixed and go home. So I was upset, and couldnt sleep because I was jacked up on adrenaline.

Monday
Slept it off, went for a run, Booth made pancakes and bacon. MMMMmmmMMM.
My flight wasnt until 230 so we just played some GHIII, I showed off my expert level skills. My flight was delayed because of a broken lavatory. Its only a 2 hour flight, cant people hold it I asked myself. Our flight was then cancelled over that. Everyone and their mother ran up to the counter. I slowly sashayed to the Admirals Club where I was promptly turned away by the douche bag known as Dino. I know Im not a member, I just thought maybe you could help me out I pleaded. A simple no would have worked, but he went through this whole process of how I could be here, and why I shouldnt be here, and that I dont belong. Okay, so I went to a counter in the general popluation that was free and explained the situation. In two seconds I had my boarding pass, and it was all done with smiles. She said since you are platinum we'll take care of you and we appreciate your business. I was speechless towards her customer service skills. So I was upgraded again and had some nice Ravioli and Cabernet. Touchdown, get luggage, and go home. Memorial Day would have been more fun if we could have gone to the beach, but this was a very close second.

Mandy Moore said my love is sweet like candy,

Jacob

deutsche pictures

Here are some pictures from my Germany trip.


Windmills off in distance

Some flags around the work area

i dont know what this is

i like the windmills

the heidelberg hillside

the castle of heidelberg

Streets in and around

a statue

a nice building

the place where goethe wrote some shit

statue on the bridge

the neckar river

the castle

neckar and castle

the keep on the bridge

the oldest hotel in heidelberg

this is inside the gothic protestant church

the baroque catholic church

the outside

the altar

paintings

mas paintings

the town from the castle

the same

the back of the castle, they decided not to restore it. they only maintain, at about a cost of $4,000,000 a year

the kind of sort of moat, or grassy knoll, or just the inner outside, take your pick

more of the back side

more dilapidated backside

heres the rest


I know I was there a long time, but we only had one day off. So there arent that many pictures, but the ones that are here, are nice. Right.....right?!?!

all my best,

jacob

baumy baumholder

Balmy baumholder. Well here it is day 6 of my trip and I have some free time before homework starts and I thought I’d better start writing this blog. A usual 10 day trip comes out to about 2500 words, so I can imagine what a 20 day will end up being. My flight was good over here, I was upgraded on the Tucson Dallas flight and the stewardess hooked me up. Every time I finished my vodka and orange juice she hooked me up with another one. So it would not be a farce to say I was hammered when I landed in the lone star state. My flight to Germany was okay. A very quick 10 hours. I didn’t like that both national treasures were a selection but I survived. I watched I am legend. And now I know why cousin mark has a man-crush on will smith. He was jacked in that movie. I also watched a movie about debaters from an all black school in Marshall, TX circa 1931. I will never see a Denzel Washington movie in the theaters but every time I see one of his movies I thoroughly enjoy it. Nevertheless, my mind has not changed. Because my company is cheap or perhaps because the US is broke we had to take taximeter cabriolets to baumholder which is 215 Euros from Frankfurt am Main airport. That’s about 2 hours. Because taximeter cabriolets are not allowed on base we had to stand outside the main gate for about an hour. Luckily it didn’t rain. It rains a lot here. At least that’s how’s it been thus far. My boss told me to pack for hot cold wet dry all in the same day and thankfully I heeded his warning. I go from t-shirt and sunglasses to overcoat and hat within the hour. We’ve been eating quite a lot of mess hall food; I’m accustomed to it at home. But not three square meals a day’s worth. There are a lot of cold cuts in European foods, not my favorite by a long shot. So I’m already tired of the food and we still have two more weeks. The days are long but they go by fast. The nights go by quickly also, sunrise is about 6 am and sunset is about 10pm. You fall asleep quickly because of all the beer you drink. Beer is drunk by the liter here, not ounce. I don’t think I’ll reach my collegiate capacity, that would just be unprofessional, but it certainly will be higher than when I got here. The troubleshooting I’ve done has been fun. Made some new friends from Ukraine, Montenegro, and Azerbaijan. They have a neat tradition at the workshops of exchanging pins. Usually flags of the home countries. Currently I have 5 pins, but only from two countries. That should go up, I’m rather personable.

Alright it’s currently one week later than the last sentence. I can’t remember what I didn’t Saturday or Sunday night but Monday night was Cinco de Mayo and I got hammered. I went to the Macedonia party and drank 2 liters of their finest. Went to Germany and Slovenia and had Jagermesiter, they call it Jagy here. Had some more beer somewhere else then had some Patron in honor of Mexico whooping the shit out of the French. As you all know Jagermeister translates to hangover in a bottle. And that is what I had. I didn’t go to bed that late on Monday probably 130 or so. We had the cultural tour the next day which was in Heidelberg we left by busses. About 1.5 hours into the bus I started getting that churning feeling in my stomach and you start to sweat and swallow hard. It was very reminiscent of Albania if my readers remember correctly. Well luckily they had given us sack lunches, because I was forced to dump out my lunch and put my breakfast into the bag. Not once but twice. I have to tell you though, it was the most professional regurgitation I have ever had. It was quiet, into a bag, in the corner; no one smelled it, I tied up the bag quickly, wiped the tears, snot, and saliva from my face. All the marines laughed at me, but it was handled in the best possible way. I was able to finally sleep after that and got to Heidelberg ready to tour.

Heidelberg is a beautiful town if you even get a chance to go. It’s on the Neckar River, there’s a beautiful castle, beautiful bridge, beautiful churches, and beautiful co-eds. See, beautiful, I told you! We had an excellent tour guide who gave us lots of details, dates, and facts. Visited the Alstatht, which is the German old town. There are over 600 pubs and restaurants there. There is a wannabe Hard Rock Café, so yes of course I got some pins from there. I say wannabe because it is neither a corporate nor a franchised HRC, just a complete knock off. But HRC recognizes its pins, so my pin catalogue was able to grow. There were some beautiful churches, Catholic and Protestant, they were built in the Baroque and Gothic style, 300 and 600 years ago. More gorgeous than me. The University there is the oldest school in Europe dating back to 1386. The castle is not complete anymore, they decided not to restore it, they wanted it to keeps its relic state; so now it is just maintained. All of the streets are cobblestoned and cleaned. There is a monument to Martin Luther when he came to Heidelberg to defend his thesis. I had some lunch at a small Italian bistro, very good Margherita pizza. Giuseppe made my pizza, I’m not sure if that’s what his name was, but it should have been. I pretty much slept the whole way back and came back to find my coworkers preparing for a bbq. Oh yeah I jumped in there and mooched some good steak and hamburgers did not want to have any beer, but my German counterpart made, so I drank half of a Heineken and called it a night. During the BBQ we played catch, when was the last time you played catch, everyone should add catch to the list of things to do in a year.

The next day was back to work and I wasn’t feeling well, there was a cold going around that everyone seemed to have caught. I don’t know if my throat hurt from that or from singing or from the regurgitation. Anyways, I was in a salty mood, or so my coworkers said. That night I took some Nyquil and called it an early one. I must have needed my sleep because I slept through my alarm again. This time only by twenty minutes. That day I just drank lots of water and hit up some Dayquil and all was well in the world. I said one more night of not drinking would do me well so I watched Good Luck Chuck, which is hysterical by the way. Jessica Alba is hot and Dane Cook is awesome, I know none of you like him, but that shit is funny. So the next day, I don’t know the days, because they have all run together, all I know is that it is currently test day 9 and tomorrow will be two weeks here. And somehow or another Ring of Fire by Johnny Cash has become the theme song of Combined Endeavor. Someone is either whistling it or playing it on their computer. I actually don’t mind, I think it’s funny. Last night we cooked the remaining steaks and hamburgers, mmmmm beef. Then I went to the Finnish sauna. They made an impromptu sauna out of a tent and an oven it’s pretty legit though. Cedar planks and the works. And a bunch of naked Europeans. Someone wanted to get into an argument about George Bush. I would have won because I probably would have concurred with them. Whenever people find out where I’m from, Texas not Arizona or the United States, they all want to Bush bash or ask questions about freedom fries or something. I don’t mind, I don’t find it offensive or anything. The Finnish have their own version of Jager that is a little bit stronger. Theirs, too, is pretty much hangover in a bottle but I only had one shot so I didn’t feel that bad this morning. Nothing that a little 7-up couldn’t cure. That’s about it for now, tonight is the UK party so that where I will be abusing my liver at. Cheers mate‼

Fuck the UK and Slovenia and their glorious beer. I drank some water and took some pepto before bed, not even drunk, woke up at 2am thinking I would take a horse sized piss and ended up throwing up in my sink. I was so upset with myself. I really didn’t have that much too drink, 2 liters tops, TOPS. The next night was the American Italian party and the Americans brought steak, STEAK‼‼! The Italians brought some good cheeses and some spicy pasta, but they brought some bad wine. Very, very dry. Usually the more drink the better everything tastes, but I didn’t want to give it a try. The marines were pretty much running the show. Some of the worst IT persons Ive seen in my life. They were nice individuals, but they were very dumb. I wont tell you the actual number and division, but they don’t do very good IT. They were reservists, so their day jobs are all scattered but their MOI is IT. Oh well, we got through it. They also had some beer pong going on. Took off fairly early because I was severely sleep deprived. Tuesday night was the CJCCC dinner, Im not going to explain that group but its basically a planning group for Combined Endeavor. They had a nice schnitzel and white asparagus dinner. White asparagus is pretty good, they just bury it so that it can’t photosynthesize, tastes like regular asparagus, and now I can say Ive had it.

Wednesday was our last test day and the night of the BIWAK, its pronounced beevahk, I don’t know if it translates to anything other than a drunken good time. I was pretty tired of beer so I decided I would only drink red wine that night. I had red wine from Germany, France, Slovenia, Moldova, and Hungary. Canada was serving up pancakes and moose milk. Moose milk was basically a white Russian. Had some shots from various countries, did quite a lot of dancing. My contacts fell out, but I had my glasses, said goodbye to all of My German friends and called it a night. Woke up with a hangover but no real stomach problems. We had about a two hour bus ride to Frankfurt and to our **** hotel. Im not sure if it was really 4 stars, but it had a sauna and Im all about the sauna.

We arrived to the hotel about 2 and went to get some dinner. Stopped in an Italian restaurant had some very good gorgonzola ravioli and we were kicked out right at three, evidently there is siesta in Germany. We rode the subway downtown and did some shopping, bought some euro trash sunglasses. Came back and had the same red snapper with mango coriander rice and walnut ice cream. This time though I had a couple glasses of Riesling.

Friday morning got up and had some very expensive euro buffet breakfast. Went to the airport a little too early, went to the admirals club and had a number of vodka and orange juices. I don’t really sleep well on the plane and since this was a ten hour flight I was able to watch almost 5 movies, bucket list, blood for oil, jumpers, you could never be my boyfriend, and the savages. Again I ordered the kosher meal, this time it was really good. Salmon, peas, egg fried rice, and some chocolate cake. Then for a snack they served vegetable lasagna and fruit cocktail. We had a pretty long layover in Dallas so I did some more Admirals club, that’s where I am currently. It’s a quarter to six Dallas time which is a quarter to one for my body Germany time. My flight is currently delayed so I won’t be getting home until 7 or so which should be hour 25 or 6 for me. All of these days and dates have been squished together. I didn’t even know that today was Friday. That’s what’s it like for me right now. Well I’m going to go for a walk to try and stay awake. Ill finish the rest this weekend. Going for a walk I smelled some delicious McDonalds. I can’t remember the last time I had burning hot fries, man were they delicious. Got on the flight and came home. I don’t know what it is about Tucson airport, but you always have to wait 5 hours to get your luggage. Got it and went to my cousin’s house. Sorry for the unexciting finish but that’s it.

Peace love and soul,

jacob

what happens in vegas

what happens in vegas

Shows up in my blog. That's right you know you will get every boring and mundane detail of my Vegas trip. Unlike the trip to Boston, I was able to leave work on a high note. We were staying at Treasure Island, which for people in the know, they call it TI. I couldn't help but think of my calculators though.

the sirens ship

the front side

the calculator

the palazzo, its very chic

family goodness

i need tequila!!!

thats better, the tequila trees

the venetian

Treasure is a very nice hotel, I thoroughly enjoyed my stay, all the amenities were adequate, bedding was good, complimentary toiletries reminded me of candy, it didn't taste like it though. We had dinner at TI, just a regular restaurant and Andrew and I went looking for some $5 dollar tables. Before we went walking we signed up for players cards at TI. With the player's card, we got a free five dollars. I turned it into 15 Andrew turned his into 25. "I love Vegas Andrew shouted." This was also the first time Andrew has ever displayed any type of emotion. You really won't find that at any of the big casinos, the five dollar tables that is. So we decided to go make the pilgrimage to the HRC, Las Vegas has both a café and a hotel. Oh yeah double pins and double unique visits. We were talking to the bar tender at the Hard Rock and he told us of a nice place where you can get a 10oz sirloin for 5 dollars and a place where we could get $5 dollar tables. "Walk on over to Elis Island", well it turns out this place was the casino for Super Big 8 motel. Yes it was very ghetto, but I was able to get on a $5 dollar table like I wanted and get over my nervousness of gambling alone. Even Andrew got in on the action, turning 20 into 45, so he was very happy again. We played there until about 130 and finally decided to hike back. At 230 and only 15 dollar minimums we called it a night.

Saturday morning big Zeke showed up and we knew we were due for some good luck. Well Zeke only likes to gamble at Binions so we went down there and got up on the crap table. And we were off, unfortunately we weren't on either. I went through 200 hundred in about 4 hours, woe is me. So I decided to call it a day right there and went and had the world's most unhealthy lunch ever.

Yes that is a hot dog and fried Oreos. And only 2 dollars‼‼‼

Around 3 we went back to the hotel, so we could get ready for the wedding. That was the actual reason we were there. Decided I didn't want a nap, decided to suit up and walk the hotel. As you all know I don't like to dress up, or at least what you all consider dressing, e.g. "Going clubbing", I don't know how to do that. I like the extremes, slobbish and suiting up. So I suited up and the stares and glances I got were much longer and much obliged. I was the only person in the family to suit up and everyone had nice things to say. I met Zeke on the baccarat table; he just dropped another c-note so we decided to go to the tequila bar. We had about 4 shots of Centenario Reposado, which is hands down the best tequila. Queers who sing about patron only think it's good because Patron has an excellent marketing department. Consequently I showed up drunk to the wedding, but I played it cool. There were about 40 people there mostly our side of the family, my family doesn't really need a reason to go to Vegas, but we'll take one. The wedding was nice and short. My aunt was not married by Elvis, but by a nice pastor with an excellent vernacular.

the reverend and his photo boy

We had about an hour before the reception, so my family took over the bar. As the busses arrived I wasn't sure where we were going, but I knew it was going to be Italian. It turns out it was the 2 Italian Restaurant in the Nation according to Food Network. I am unable to find the name of the restaurant online, but I swear that's what my beer goggle vision saw on the window. Bruschetta, chicken marsala, eggplant parmesan, pasta fagiolla, canollis, tiramisu. Excuse the butchered spelling. Afterwards, Zeke wanted to go back Downtown for some cheap gambling. Unfortunately, everyone else had that idea. It was very hard to get on a table. So I just walked around watching everyone. Well when you are suited up you are dressed better than 98% of the people in Vegas casinos. I had a lot of unwelcomed stares come my way, from workers and patrons. Someone asked me if I was higher up for the casino, I said no, then he said get the hell away from me. One of the pit bosses told me to go away. Goodness, in the immortal words of Will Smith, "I make this look good".

big egg and the cherub, hes unhappy because im his brother

cousin tony his short and mean, but he has a phd in particle physics, dont look in his eyes

We lost our money and decided to go back to TI. I played a couple rounds of $15 craps, but TI must have wanted it more. Went back up to the hotel and crashed.

On Sunday I slept in until about 10 and then Drew and I went to have some breakfast at Kahunaville. Afterwards, some of the family wanted to have brunch but I had $60 left in my wallet that I didn't feel like taking home with me. So I was able to turn that $60 into $210. That's what I wanted all weekend. Too bad I didn't have any of that magic Saturday or Sunday. Something I have never seen before and probably will never see again is this one individual. Young Arab guy, Im guessing oil money or some sort of badass computer guy. Id say oil money because he was betting $500 and $1000 a hand. And he was doing it on crazy bets. Taking the field, which has the possibility of doubling or tripling your money. And the way he was playing was weird, he was going to all four tables and betting his money and then picking it up and going to the next table. It was driving the pit bosses crazy and it must have been driving the camera guys crazy also. At one point he shouted he was down $22,000. He kept asking for more markers, which is a loan from the casino, and was getting really pissed that he couldn't get them faster. Well he managed to recoup the loss and walked away 10 Gs in the black. I actually won him $1500 on my roll. No tip for the shooter though. I eventually walked away and headed to the taxis back to the airport.

This was my second time to Vegas and I've had fun every time. Theres something for everyone, whatever kind of vice you have, you can exercise it here. Even if your vice is church, some of my family members went to Mass on Sunday morning.

See you in June,

Jake

this is from the freemont street experience

uno mas

uno mas mas

fitness/fatness

Two weeks ago I went to a fitness and fatness assessment that work was putting on. There weren’t a lot of participants. I guess if you weren’t in shape before, knowing the numbers isn’t going to put you in the mood. I had some good news and some bad news, but mostly it was just interesting to know the numbers of my body. So without further ado:

37” chest

32” waist

39” hips

21” thighs

12” calves

10.5” L. Bicep

11” R. Bicep That’s my masterb…..racquetball arm!

Current body fat 12.9%

That means I have 150lbs of lean mass, muscles, bones, organs, blood

And 22 lbs of fat

Body weight of 172lbs

At current, if I sat on my ass the entire day I would burn 2127 calories. If I got up and went to work and had a normal non-exercising day, add 638 calories. Racquetball burns so many calories, Im not even going to tell you what 8 hours of that a week will do for you.

A little bad news, blood pressure 140/84-->Makes me Stage I Hypertension. This could be white coat high blood pressure; I also had a really salty breakfast. I have a home monitor, and it’s been primarily in the Prehypertension stage, so I made be going on Px if this continues for another week or so. Damn you hereditary genes.

My cardiovascular Assessment

My maximum oxygen consumption is 55.8 ml/kg * min

That means I can suck that much wind and process it during exercise. 95^th percentile‼

Bicep strength

Fair, I can curl 70lbs.

Someone with Good strength can curl at least 92lbs.

I guess I won’t be carrying you over the threshold.

Flexibility

My Sit & Reach is 4.4 inches. Which is beyond Poor, but a Poor rating is as low as you can go.

Someone with good reach can go 15 inches.

At least that is easily fixable, no swan lake for me.

All in all I am 24; I have the body of a 22 year old, and am capable of having the body of an 18 year old.

Awww to be 18 again and look as if I’m 12.

Do you want me more or less now that you know this?

H. Eggemeyer