Even Jesus Hates Longhorns
So this was the game everyone had been looking fo since it was announced spring 06. Heavens to Betsy! Everyone that you knew from high school or college was at this game. Insert name of friend or foe and he or she was there, except for Hash who being lame on account of some principle of his lameness. I got to El Paso around dinner time and went out with my father and his friends. We went to sunset brewery, our waitress new nothing about her beers and then Andrew and I had to sit through those old guys reminiscence about Eastwood and working at Steak and Ale and other non interesting stuff. That night I went to Hemingways where I met everyone, but was upset to learn they were out of Double Chocolate Bock. It was good to see everyone, every time some crappy person wearing a burnt orange shirt walked in they were booed. I really hate the whites, Im just going to put that out there. Later Hash and I went to Black Market, it smelled like PE ass.
Saturday I went to the Y as usual and played some racquetball. After that I showered, donned the coolest shirt the Sun Bowl saw that day and proceeded to crash every tailgate I could find.First there was the RVers. I crashed my Aunt and Uncles tailgate, they were serving hamburgers with Sara Lee bread. Man alive, I love Sara lee.
Next it was off to see my friends. Pause for a moment of silence as we still are not allowed to party at the libarary. Then off to the Math building.
As Im walking I say hello to other friends, I get a few smiles, a few chuckles, some point and laugh, others make the sign of the cross when looking at my shirt. I got there around 2 and there were only a few of us.
Bob, Juse, Carla and Jugs, so were talking an getting reacquainted then all of sudden, and totally unprovoked I might add, this flying black bee creature buzzed the hard deck. He stealthily went up my sleeve and bit or stung me. My manly action adventure skills and instincts kicked in, I threw beer in the air and screamed like a girl. I felt just like Bear Gryllis or maybe more like a Care Bear. Either way it was slightly embarrassing and slight painful. My arm swelled up a little bit and was oozing anti bee sting bite venom, I think. High five body! Better cheers to that by opening another can of beer.
Next I went to see Andrew and his band nerds. Only his band nerds were living the choice life. According to local legend a friend of a friend of a friend won the powerball lottery. Said friend proceeded to fund the entire tailgate, chicken, steaks, chicken wings, kabobs, oh yeah…. And expensive as shit bottles of hennessy, you may know it as henny. Im not talking about regular hennessy either, I mean the better bottles; Hennessy XO and Hennessy Paradis. A bunch of idiot college kids drinking cognac that it takes a few days wages for me to earn. Lovely. I chatted with some of friends of band and then made my way to my aunt and uncles. Andrew wasn't feeling familiar so I went alone.
At my aunt and uncles Im guaranteed three things, beer, food, and hugs. Not much else to say.
Next tailgate. I went to visit Booth and the Dallas alumni chapter people. I had to go through the engineers, which I never care for, but that's another story. I had some beer and everyone loved my shirt, I convinced him to come say hello to the guys and to his fraternity brothers. So off we were.By the time I made it back to our tailgate most everyone had arrived. Booth was glad to see everyone, especially Luis, Cheney, and Justin. I did more talking with Bob, Danny, Amanda, Cheney, Brian, Matt, and Jackie.
I even said hello and had a quick conversation with Tracy Musshorn. I don't think I have spoken to her since elementary school. Then Liz from our fraternity showed up so I convinced Booth and her and Rocio to come say hello to the fraternity. I also wanted them to see how Ive become a lame legend of the fraternity.
Im Mr. Shirt. I always seemed to have the best shirts. At the fraternity we saw Norman, Javier, Ivan, Sergio, and Natalie. A bunch of Nibs and some Captain Morgan. Took some pictures and went back to my tailgate. Since we didn't want to have nose bleed seats we left pretty early.
This began my 20 minute hike with Jackie, drunk Jackie. Jackie was drunk. And I had to walk/hold/carry drunk Jackie. Id have to say drunk Jackie is a pretty cool drunk Jackie. Drunk Jackie says nice things and makes fun of all the right people drunk Jackie does. Drunk Jackie walks pretty well for being drunk and drunk Jackie doesn't slur her words. Drunk Jackie is very hungry and thirsty but still pretty nice. Drunk Jackie loves to take pictures. That's all I have to say about drunk Jackie.
The game was a lot of fun, we ended up losing, but we played admirable for being ranked 100 in the nation. We produced 400+ yards of offense and managed to score 13 points. Come on now who has that much yards of offense and doesn't produce more then 13 points. We do. I was honestly hopeful until the 4th quarter and then I knew it was over.
Over the course of the game there were some words exchanged with bandwagoner Texas people. Matt was upset that none of them knew what city Texas was in, but they didn't care because they were winning. I stayed until the end, the only people left were Cheney and his brother. I brought home some Whataburger and went to sleep. Sunday I finished washing my clothes and said goodbye to my Dad at a sportsbar. I actually didn't see my Mom that trip. So I wasn't allowed to take home any food with me like I always do. I wrote the last half of this blog today, its been a month now since this even occurred so I don't remember every minute detail. So just enjoy the pictures.
Much love,
jacob
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