tsas of the world

well weve finally come to the end of the budapest blogs and before you know it the croatia blogs will be before us. since it is my duty to fight with tsa i thought i would let you all know about the tsas ive encountered overseas. going to budapest was no big deal, regular american stuff, xray, shoes off, and the like. same goes for zurich, except for the shoes. an interesting fact about the shoe bomber was told to me by my friend amanda. it turns out that there would have been no way for him to ignite the c4 he had on his shoes because it takes an extreme amount of energy to do so. an energy source that no one would be able to sneak aboard. but thanks to him ill forever have to stand on dirty tile or dirty carpet barefoot before getting on my plane. on the way back we had to go through hungarian customs since we had an international departure. the tsa of hungary was not a very high tech operatiom. but they did have a woman who if you squinted you could imagine her with rollers, an ashy cigarette, slippers, and an appron. she had on a uniform, but this is how i pictured her afterhours. she was handing out laundry baskets for us to put our things in. they werent really worried about laptops or the 3oz liquid ban. it took all of 200 seconds to get through their security. now when we fly in america once your in the terminal you are considered secure, this holds true for the airports where you make your connecting flight. not so in germany. you have to leave the terminal and re-enter security. this is a more high-tech job, but its only a 2 man job. one person looks at the x-ray, the other wands you down. no metal detectors here. when it was my turn, i removed my laptop, took off my shoes, emptied my pockets, took out my bag of permissable liquids and proceeded to receive a healthy pat-down. i was wanded and when the wand beeped on my belt buckle, i was placed up against the wall and got a good massage via laytex gloves. he did everything except go in my underwear. i didnt react, but i was thinking, "hello, how are you, how are things down inside my pants" i was able to control the blushing in my face, the entire security line was watching the show. so after play-time i was collecting my things and the officer said he wanted to look through my bag. "sure go for it", whats this, mp3 player, whats this, camera, whats this, charger for said mp3 player, whats this, eyeglass case, whats this, neck pillow, whys it hard, it has a built in massager, im going to have to run these through again. okay! so where are you coming from, where are you going, i gave appropriate answers, even i know when not to jack with people. okay well can we re-run your laptop, sure! okay well can we sit you down for some questions or will you miss your flight? (thank god my flight was in 25 minutes) i said no and showed him my itenerary and he ughhed, shrugged, and let me be. well i thought the worse was over, but then i got to the AA ticket counter. i still had hungarian tickets and i had to have them changed over. but not before i went throught the manifest gestapo and his checks and balances. name please, passport, why are you late, where are you coming from, where are you going, where did you pack your bags, what time did you pack your bags, has anyone asked you to carry anything on for them, have you been in possesion of your bags at all times. i passed that test, and finally it was on to the ticketing agent. hi, thanks for flying american, have a wonderful flight, i grumble grumble grumbled. 11 hours later back in the US and A. got off the plane in DFW and everyone was running to passport check. i thought that was strange and continued to stroll lazily with my 3 foot gait. turns out, every international flight into dallas on american comes in at or around 3pm. there were about 50 booths with 2 checkers per booth to handle this mess. the lines are split, US and A and all others, but the snake line has about 11 turns in it and i was at the end which wasnt even in the roped section yet. got to the passport checker and he asked all his question, who what where why, why when why again, quietly said DoD contractor and all questioning ceased. then he said welcome home. and i dont know why that has stuck with me even a month later now. im sure he says that 1000 times a day, didnt really care about me, didnt say it in a caring manner, but i just really felt welcomed for some strange reason. after that we went down to the basement to gather our luggage and turn in our immigration forms. that was a cluster-fuck, no lines and no questioning, just pushing and fighting with everyone else trying to re-check their baggage. so back up to the terminal area, and some how or another found myself in another security line. all of my teammates are in the platinum club, so they were able to go to the shorter security line. i am still stearage and had to wait in the schmuck line. standard operating procedure, except i had to go through one of those new air machines. its a new machine by GE that shoots air on you from all different directions and I guess depending on the air analysis or if the air bounces off you in a funny direction you are sequestered. i passed and was able to go about my business. having had the oportunity to try out other tsas im not sure whos the best and whose the worst. budapest is clearly the easiest, but it didnt feel real secure. frankfurt was naughty naughty, and the US and A were jerks like always. so i guess that means the matter is inconclusive to date. i guess the american one is my favorite because i know what to expect and if need be i can explain my way out of something. im not sure what to expect on future trips, all i know is that i cant speak the language anywhere.

2007 is the greatest collegiate football season of all time,

egg