ah gay paris

Ahh gay paris

So I went to Paris for one day. ¿Como que one day? Yes. “Who goes to Paris for just one day?” He is I and I am him. Well what for? I needed miles. You what. I was short on miles for the year and needed to reup Executive Platinum status. So you are telling me that you are flying to Paris for the day and coming right back. Yes that is correct. Are you fucked? How much does that cost, do you know what you could do with that money? That is the stupidest thing I have ever heard. Well its worth it to me. Well you are still fucked. Have you ever flown business class over the ocean, been invited into First Class lounges all over the world, bumped people off their flights, been thanked over and over again. No….well I have and I cant go back. The reasons for flying out to Paris are numerous, the culture, the geography, the landscape, the historical sites. But there is only one goal. To fly at the top level of any frequent flier program is the only way to do business. As I was 10,000 miles short, I needed to make a quick jaunt to Europe. Paris was far enough away and it didn’t cost that much. Plus it was a new country and I would be getting a new passport stamp.

Saturday
This was the actual date of my flight, but there were a few things leading up to the trip that had made me feel uneasy. My Dad was super worried about the strikes and feared for me. I had taken notice and read various reports and didn’t think it would be that big of a deal. When I awoke Saturday morning I found my car was vandalized by crappy white kids. They chucked a 45 lb pumpkin at my car. They put a dent in the door about the size of my palm. Poor little hybrid. Then on the way to Dallas we were diverted to Austin due to Tornadoes. They shut down DFW and I sat on the tarmac for three hours. Just long enough to not be affected by the new rules. If someone was trying to tell me something I was all ears. But I didn’t heed their warning. We got to Dallas and the flight was still scheduled. I called all the important people in my life and boarded the plane. I was upgraded so life was good. Since we left so late, I was able to fall asleep like it was my normal bed time. I got about 3 or 4 hours of sleep.

Sunday
Landed in Charles de Gaulle and this was the first time in my life that I was not being met by military personnel or relatives at an airport. I guess this little boy can still find ways to grow up. I got myself situated, found an atm, got my train ticket, sent an email to the person I was meeting and headed out to Gare du Nord. At one of the stops a dude got on and started playing the accordion. He was playing some awesome French café music. It was super se magnifique. He got off the train after I didn’t tip. I just said thanks for the free music. So my friend said it wouldn’t be a big deal meeting at the station; he would just meet me in front of some sign. Well Gare du Nord, is the Northern Train Station for those of you who don’t Parlay View Frahnsay. Its also one of the biggest. There must have been over 25 lines that went into this station. Everything from local, express, regional, and international. This place was massive and everyone looks the same. All French people wear a combination of grey or black and they are all circa 5’5. Giant asshole American Jacob stood out like a sore thumb in his bright orange sweater. Gotta represent UTEP!!! So I walked back and forth and forth and back trying to find my friend. Since everyone uses a cell phone, pay phones are pretty non existent. I didn’t have any euro coin on me and I didn’t feel like putting my credit card into a telephone. So I just hoped for the best and kept wandering. And all of sudden, lo and behold, there stood a tiny Frenchmen waiting to take me on a gay paris adventure.

So first things first we needed to get some food. We went to this place in the heart of Frenchy French land. It was a place his girlfriend knew. It was the best quiche Ive ever had in my life. You know how in America stores and restaurants like to trick fuck you with artichokes. They say hearts, but you normally get a combination of hearts and leaves. Well not this place, my artichoke and gorgonzola quiche was nothing but hearts and cheese. Mmmmhmmmm love me some frenchiness!! We had a bottle of wine, Bordeaux, which I thought I would hate because normally Bordeaux wine in America is too dry for my taste. Well this stuff was glorious, fanfuckingtastic as it was. Then we had this red bean paste tart pie thing for dessert. It was heavenly. If you like red beans and you like the consistency of pumpkin pie. Then definitely hit this up. So so so good!

Then we were off to do some sightseeing and not just any kind of sightseeing. Jacob hardcore Clark W. Griswald sightseeing. You go up to something amazing or spectacular and you check it out for about 20 seconds. Take a few photos and viola…, What else you got???? I mean really how much time can you spend looking at something? My friend said if you spend 5 minutes at every painting at the Lourve, it would take a lifetime to see everything. Im telling you right now, dollars to donuts, I could knock out the lourve in 3.5 hours. Take that lifetime. So we were off to see the Eiffel Tower. I kind of treated it like the Grand Canyon. Ive see it on the internet ive seen in it books. When I got to the Grand Canyon my jaw dropped. I treated the Eiffel Tower the same way. I thought, ehh no big deal, might as well see it since Im here. I turned the corner coming out of the subway stop and jaw hit the floor. The Eiffel tower is too fucking cool for words. Everything about it is just awesome. The size, color, shape, everything. I did only stick around for about 5 minutes, took quite a few pictures and then we were off. They kind of have a miniature Central Park around the Eiffel Tower. People hanging out, picnicking, drinking, playing games all on the lawn. Very picturesque.

While in route to the Eiffel tower we stopped by the Hotel Del Ville which is now a town hall for that area of Paris. It was breathtaking. 3 stories of awesome architecture. We next hit up the Notre Dame Cathedral which was double awesome. The architecture rocked my nuts off. I think I saw Quazimodo up in the belfry. After the Eiffel tower we went to this church called Basilique du Sacré-Cœur. Its on the Montmartre Hill and is the highest point in Paris. You could see the entire cityscape, absolutely awe-inspiring. Next we went and got some crepes. I chose the ones with alcohol. Rum and Gran Marnier, super tasty and I had a cappuccino. All of this was in the span of about 6 hours. Not too bad if I do say so myself. My friend had to get back to his place, so he gave me some directions to Hard Rock Café and then back to the airport. Of course I had to go to Hard Rock Café. It may have been the best one as far as pin selection goes. I ended up spending 80 Euros on 9 pins I think…sheesh! Headed back to the airport and then went to my hotel room.

Monday
Woke up at 4 am which was to be expected but still not welcomed. Tossed and turned for a little bit and thought, ehh, fuck it, ill just get up. Played on the internet for awhile and then decided, ehh, why don’t I just get to the airport and wait. So I took the airport shuttle to the airport and walked to the check in. There are quite a few flights that leave to America early in the morning. So the line for economy was super long. I decided to go check in at first class and was read the riot act. Umm sir economy check-in is over there. Yeah well Im not going to check in over there. Ill check-in here its fine. Sir this is only for First Class, Business, and our Priority AAccess, hmm okay, whip out my big giant black EP card. Ohh sir Im sorry didn’t mean to.. I…I…didn’t know. Its okay. Then when I actually went through the first check in I was asked 20 more questions in reference to the 1st paragraph of this episode. Where is your luggage, I don’t have any, why no, I was only here for one day, who comes to paris for one day, I do, why, I needed miles, what does that mean, it means I needed miles, Ohh you had to use miles, sure, that’s it whatever you need to or want to hear ill tell you, ohh I didn’t realize miles expired, they do but like I said I needed miles. Oh okay well have a good flight. Get the funk out of my way. So I check in and my upgrade doesn’t go through. I head over to ticketing and they go through this whole ordeal about how I plan to upgrade and whats my balance and whats my account number and oh by the way did you know there is a luxury tax for leaving paris via business class. Ugh whatever, just please put me on the list, I realize most of the flight is sold. I just want to make sure that if there is a seat I get it. Okay, so I go chill in the lounge, watched a movie and had breakfast. At some point they call me for my upgrade. Ooh da lalee!! Got on the plane and it was the same exact flight crew. Uhh, what, youre back? Yeah, that was quick. Yep. Well really why were you only here for a day, I don’t know, just cuz. Hmm, okay, well happy to have you back. They were much more nice to me coming back. Asking me if I wanted the same cocktails, same wine, same meal, yadda yadda yadda. Even the old white douchey bourgy lady next to me was impressed. Oh you must fly a lot, how nice. I totally could have been that cougars pup.

So I watched two movies and slept for about 4 hours and then watched two more movies. I think the flight going was only about 8.5 hours, but it seemed like this flight was more like 10.5. Must have been a jet stream issue. Normally, when I land from London or Frankfurt we are the only plane there and there are no lines. Well I guess the Paris flight lands with everyone and their mother. I had to wait for like 20 minutes in immigration and then 20 minutes in customs and then 20 minutes in security and then I had to change terminals and then they changed my gate and then I had to walk forever. No more and thens!!!! So I showed up to my gate and they were already boarding. I looked up at the screen and noticed I had been upgraded. While standing in line waiting to change my ticket this girl is boarding, but when she does an alarm goes off saying there is a seat conflict with Mr. Edgemere. That’s me, that’s how they mispronounce my name. I do my best not to smirk, especially when shes goes off on them. I guess she had been waiting all day to get home and she kept getting bumped and moved and shuffled. Finally, they had given her a first class seat and she was being denied. They just told her to move aside so they could finish boarding. Well sure enough I bumped her. The rules for upgrade always state that flight interruptions and status determine upgrades. Well I guess they lied because my status bumped her. I felt like a huge dick. Everything always works out for me and when it doesn’t it tends to still work out for me. She eventually got on, she was the last person, I think they stuck her next to the bathroom. She didn’t even lookt at me when she passed by, not that she would have cared or remembered her seat. I think she was just angrily happy to get on the plane. Got to Tucson and we are making our approach and as we are landing I feel the plane change angles and the pilot hits the thrusters. Sorry folks we need to make a couple of circles there was congestion on the runway. There was another plane on the runway that we were trying to land on. Well there aren’t too many things that I haven’t experience traveling like I do, but that was certainly a first.

Well folks there you have it. My first ever miles run. Veni, vidi, vici. All told, all the money spent was well worth it. 20th country, 80th passport stamp, 32nd HRC, and another year of EP…..priceless.

Bon swa,

Messier Jacob

texas pictures

Yeah, I havent dont anything in about a month, Ive been lazy and busy so enjoy the below texas pictures.


beating on memphis

redneck meets ranchero/caballero

duck hunting

wedding time

butterflies

getting murred

donezo

sunset

gangstas

the man

the woman

driving home to arizona

well that was about, short blog, see you next week

jacob