Saturday Again or Saturday Part II or Deux Sabado
Man I love America, Man I miss America, Man I really don’t want to get on the plane again. Those are the emotions I felt when I touched down in Chicago. I was excited to land in Chicago because I would be getting another passport stamp. Chicago is the only port of entry that stamps your passport. Of the others that I’ve been too, Dallas, San Juan, New York, Los Angeles, they don’t. Its probably a good thing too, if I got a stamp every time I came home I would have about 20 more stamps and we be needing to get more pages even sooner. So my excitement quickly waned because I think Chicago TSA may be the worst group of assholes that ever existed. Never have I ever been more embarrassed by the welcoming face of America than I was by these clowns and buffoons. Rude, Angry, Cranky, Overweight, Impolite, and slow. The process for getting us through customs and immigration is super slow. Since we had a few hours in Chicago and my travel mate is also ranked as high as I am, we went to the bourgy lounge and got showers. Had some hot foot, snacks, and some internet. It was glorious. I got to check all of the return emails from people congratulating me on my CISSP. Can you feel the love? After awhile we went to check on our lesser classed coworkers who were in the regular so-so lounge. It was nice to see the familiar faces and recant how great Singapore was to them. Everyone was really excited to get going and their enthusiasm was really wearing off on me. As we headed to the plane people were asking where are you sitting, where are you sitting? I said um here in row 5, ROW 5?? Is that Business, yes. Aye muy chingon, these were the new people and they weren’t aware of how much I outranked them. It was like privates talking candidly to their general. They were impressed and amazed. So we got on the plane and unfortunately I had just spent over 11 hours on a 777 and now they wanted me to be schlepping it on a 767. The width is much narrower and the movie selection was much worse. Don’t they know who I am; don’t they know I can’t fly like this? Whoa whoa whoa, need to curtail self entitlement white Jacob. I’m not one of them; I didn’t pay for this, just sit back, enjoy the hot nuts, and drink your free alcohol cry baby. Sorry self, thanks for keeping me in check. On that flight I got to sit next to my favorite seat mate, we gossip, eat cheese, and drink Amaretto, OMG it’s just like SITC. I’m Kerry and you are Miranda. Shut up bitch, no you shut up. Hahaha. We don’t actually talk like that. So after the third long haul in a row we made it to Germany.
Sunday
We arrive and get through customs and head straight to the rental car counter. Our boss was gracious enough to get us rental cars and that means one thing and one thing only. Jacob gets to drive on the Autobahn. Only thing is we were driving in a convoy and couldn’t unleash my super economical Mercedes, I think I got up to 160 or 170 Kph which is about 90 95, but the way these cars are made that’s nothing and the way the roads are designed you really feel like you are crawling at those speeds. So we arrived to the hotel an hour later and there is no reservation for me. Hmmm wonderful well I still need a room so is there something else you can give me. Sure, we’ll put you in the queen size suite with kitchenette until next week when a smaller room opens up. Hmm, fine by me. So after a quick shower and a little down time we went out to dinner. Something that I’ve realized is that ex-military who have been stationed in Germany really REALLY FREAKING love Jaeger-schnitzel. Now don’t get me wrong, the shit is delicious, but I mean come on, you don’t have to act like hyenas. Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, must get Jaeger in me as quick as possible. I ordered a pizza and turned my nose at all of them. There was something like 11 jaegers ordered and one pizza. Well my pizza was delicious, all Euro pizza is. But I don’t think the restaurateur had enough jaegers so he cut them up and gave everyone a smaller portion. They were tiny TINY portions. Ahh, take that, pizza haters. So eventually we left the restaurant and headed back to our rooms.
Monday
We got to sleep in late a little bit and we headed down to Burger King for breakfast because the mess hall wasn’t open yet. Then we headed onto the exercise site to get situated and get setup. It was raining and cold that day. It was still August and I could see my breath already. I walked around and did some stuff and then the day was over. We went out to a nice dinner, a dinner next to a porn shop of all places. I had a real German size schnitzel. Everyone was envious, it was good too, and the mushroom sauce was heavenly.
Tuesday
We did the same thing met at burger king, but I ate breakfast before at the hotel lobby. They had hard boiled eggs and bagels and juice and tea and it was much better for you than burger king. Tuesday was another day of not really doing too much, except for doing prep work and I believe the vendors finally arrived that day, but not until almost lunch. So after lunch we got everything set up, did a mock run, and then went home for the day. I can’t remember what we did for dinner; we might have gone back to the porn shop schnitzel place. Then we headed to Ed’s for some drinks. It was all good. Ed’s was a nice bar.
Wednesday
This was my first day of testing and everyone was excited. We had gotten the Pols to rearrange some of their cabling and have everything at one central location. When we began testing everyone was really excited and wanted to see what the machines could do and what the networks could handle. The auto scripted tests didn’t really kick off as planned so the guys had to do it manually. This was unfortunate, I was hoping for some big grand fanfare, Yes Jacob you are Awesome, Yes Jacob your Vendors are Awesome, but it didn’t happen. We were sitting in a modified military transport truck and it was neither glamorous nor sexy when all was said and done. But we conducted over 110 tests, broke the core network several times, and provided lots of valuable information. So there was much praise. I went home Wednesday feeling on top of the world, had some Donar kebob for dinner, all was well in the world.
Thursday
The chair of our group was really pushing us to get some tests done, but because of the way phase 2 was handled we were delayed severely. We ended up being delayed until Tuesday. So I think I just went home at regular time this day.
Friday
We did some work, mostly in preparation for Tuesday phase 2 stuff. There was nothing I could do to alleviate the problem, so I felt a little embarrassed, especially since our chair was like I don’t care about those problems, just test, who cares, just tests, we don’t have to wait for them, just test, they are stupid, just test, I'm going to kick their ass, just test. All with his foreign accent, not amusing at the time but very amusing now. The vendors stood their ground and said that it would not be wise to test when we are just going to have to test all over again. Fine, the guy finally acquiesced and the vendors pretty much took off after that because they don’t work on weekends.
Saturday Sunday
I spent these two days doing busy work for my boss and collecting IP addresses from the various countries. That proved rather difficult as no one had heard of what I was doing and why I was doing. No one wanted to give me IPs for their network or let me plug into their switch. I eventually got everything I needed but it was like pulling teeth, I had to beg, borrow, and steal almost everything that I got. Luckily this was my 15th time in this environment and so I had many friends who were willing to help. Since my tests were conducted after hours and my vendors had gone home I got to go home at a regular hour again.
Monday
Alright what you are all actually here for, to hear about me being a tourist, being an ugly American and all the dumb shit I get myself into and the sorted details. So I now present Prague,
Prague started at 445 in the morning, because it was a 3 hour bus ride. It wasn’t really a three hour bus ride; a car could have done it in 2, but no the bus had to go all slow and shit. So we got to the meeting area about 520 and we really didn’t leave until almost 6. I promptly went to sleep only to be woken up by dumb ass stupid fucking New York marine privates and corporals. Talk about the dumbest thing the military has to offer. These guys were the loudest, filthiest, rudest people I have ever met in my life. I would have told them to shut the fuck up, but as I weigh nothing and they are marines I just tried to get comfortable and fall asleep. So we got to the Czech border and we weren’t allowed to get on the autobahn because big vehicles can’t get on before 7. Whose brilliant idea was it to get up this early just so we could wait at the border? Someone needs to be docked pay and lose a ranking on their shoulder. So around 9 we got to Prague and immediately began our tour and immediately I get the symbol for low battery power on my camera, damnation, why didn’t I charge my batteries before I left. I think the castle in Prague is my most favorite castle to date. It’s huge, ornate, dark, just super impressive and the view from the top over the city is AHHmazing. We had a really good tour guide, she knew a lot about the history of pre and post WWII Prague, lots of fun facts. We were on a blitzkrieg tour of Prague. Saw the castle and the church and the statues and the squares and the bridges and the clocks and the fountains and the….well you get the point. So you end up going so fast in trying to see everything that you see nothing. Well I may never get back to Prague so at least I saw a lot of nothing. In between all the touring the lady stopped to let us get a bite to eat. We had to get some crowns since Czech is not on the Euro. Always a big plus. So I pulled out a hundred dollars which is about two thousand crowns. And of course the ATM gives me one 2,000 bill. Its like confederate money, you just can’t spend it. I went and got some pizza and it cost 90, so I have him 2000, he’s trying to tell me its not that much, just give him small, I’m trying to tell him that’s all I have, if Europe wasn’t so fucked in their money distributions and gave smaller denominations this wouldn’t be a problem or if they took credit cards instead, but no you got to be difficult, and I got to eat, so give me my pizza and give me back 1990 in change please. Ohh he was pissed, but my tum tum was happy. After the officially tour ended we went to a torture museum. Pretty insane the types of things we did to one another. Pretty gross, pretty gruesome. After our first museum we went and got a beer. The tour guide was ranting and raving about how great the beer in Czech is, “If you like beer, the best beer in the world is here” I already knew that that was not the case, but I’m always down for new beers. So we stopped in this place and had a beer. It was pretty bad, well not bad, but just not good. I finished the whole thing of course. Then came time for the bill and we asked for separate checks, a big no no, but here’s how I see it. If we all came in separately you’d have to charge us individually and make change for whatever we have. So, what’s the big difference? So he took our money and then claimed he couldn’t make change, forcing us instead to make change amongst ourselves. So if you are keeping track, that is two restaurateurs I have upset already in Czech. So now its time to get some shopping done, get the normal souvenirs and what not, found a cool little outdoor market and bought some stuff. But then the best thing ever happened I cam upon a sex toy museum. Sexy toys from the last 100 years, absolutely the funniest thing I have ever seen. Old school hand cranked dildos, anti-masturbatory devices (why would you want that), chastity belts, porn from the 1920s (which is basically a bare breast), but the best thing was this high chair that women sit on and underneath is a wheel with fake tongues, so its basically an old school cunnilingus machine. HIGHsterical!!! After that we took a walk to the natural history museum. Didn’t go in because we were running out of time and still wanted to eat dinner. So we took some pictures of the façade and then went looking for a restaurant with Budweiser, traditional Budweiser, not crappy American Budweiser. So we found one, or so we thought, the host at the front sort of courted us in saying this place had traditional food. They also had this guy in traditional outfit so all the guys took pictures with him. I asked for a menu so we could confirm the beer selection, they only had crappy Pilsner Urquell. So I got up and motioned to everyone that we were not staying. The guy asked why. I said you don’t have Budweiser, he said we have Urquell, I said Urquell was terrible, he said it’s the best beer in Czech, I said its terrible, we are looking for Budweiser……………So for those of you keeping track at home, Jacob 3 – Restaurateurs 0. So if you get a bad wrap abroad, part of it is due to me. Lo ciento pero me gusta cerveza fansatico, no me gusta cerveza de pee pee. So we were walking and found a restaurant that had Budweiser along with duck, goulash, croquettes, and everything else that is hearty and awesome. When it came time to pay the bill the restaurateur gladly took our separate checks and even gave some aperitifs gratis! See, that’s how you treat people and as such you get excellent reviews from this blogger. So that was kind of our one day stint in Prague, all 6 hours of it. Got back on the bus, the wrong bus on purpose actually, got yelled at, and then had to sit with the crappy marines again. I fell asleep for a little while, but then woke up unfortunately to hear the ludicrous asinine crap coming out of their mouth. Made it back to base, went home showered, played on the internet and then promptly went to bed.
Tuesday
Ughh back at work, my vendors were back. I had accomplished most of the things that they asked me to help out with in their absence. When they got there the things I couldn’t get done they did. One side effect of being non military at a military event is that you get no respect. My friends there are a different story, but for people I don’t know, when some tall lanky fucker in jeans comes up to you asking and requesting your assistance they aren’t so easily obliged to help. But a vendor looking all official with equipment, oh yes sir, right away sir, how can we help you sir, usually can get things done. So this was phase 2 of regular testing, along with our phase 2, so that meant we couldn’t conduct any tests until after hours. We were successful that night, not a homerun, but I think I got to third. I also clocked in 16 hours and boss didn’t care for that, so from now on, I was on late arrival. Yes!!! That meant sleeping in while the rest of the team had to get up at like 5 in the morning I got to sleep in until 7 or 8.
Wednesday
Or at least that’s what I thought. How about we play reveille at 0630 as loud as possible. Yeah that’s a good idea; Jacob will never be able to sleep through that….fuckers. Through the remaining week and a half I was awoke by reveille, sometimes I could fall back asleep other times I could not. But at least I was getting more sleep than my compatriots. I was eating better too, because I didn’t have to eat mess hall slop. Seriously this is the worst food I had ever had and I’m a big proponent of mess halls, but this was all pre cooked shit, nothing was fresh.
Wednesday Thursday Friday
These remaining days we got some work done and everyone was pleased. We were stilling getting some push back from countries but they were coming around. Most didn’t like that they had to assist us by being there after hours. After hours isn’t that bad, it’s like 6-9 or 6-10. The biggest qualm people had with us was not being able to go to social hour. Every night some nation or a combination of nations hosts a party. They bring food and alcohol from their country to share and enjoy and maybe to build a little tourism. Up until this point I had attended the Spanish, French, Portuguese night, the German, Austria night, and the Italian night. They are a lot of fun, you get drunk, stumble back to your room and wake up feeling just every so awesome. Except I couldn’t do this because I was the DD almost every single night. So I get a sip of this and a sip of that. Not a gulp of this or a swill of that or chugalug of that. My liver thanks me, but the rest of me, was like Ahhh man.
Saturday
No testing for me, just meant busy work and prep work for my Phase 3
Sunday
Ahh yes, again what you have all come here for, hearing about Jacob making a fool of himself and doing dumbass touristy shit in another land. Without further ado I present
Nuremburg
Nuremburg was the closest biggest city to us and only about a one hour drive. We were allowed to go to Nuremberg with our rental cars and that can only mean one thing. I’m driving as fast as possible on the Autobahn. First I have to figure how to work this godforsaken gps. I needed it because I don’t sprechen deutsche and every exit just says exit, ausfarht. So once we got the gps configured we had to figure out how to get off base, every road was torn up for constructions or closed, so finally we took enough wrong and right turns and we were in the country side, but our GPS knew where we were. The drive in the country side was beautiful. It was a clear day, the hills were rolling and green, the farm houses were picturesque, and we were bumpin to German pop. I was driving along and got passed by some stupid soldier and his supped up car. I was going about 70 and I thought I bet there are no speed limits here either unless posted. Sure enough there aren’t, up to 85 I pushed, yeah 85 in the rural. Eventually we made our way to the expressway and it was time to go fast I pushed the car up to 100. People were passing me left and right. Our car was humming along, doing about 2.5 rpms, what else you got. Okay so I got up to 110. And we drove at that speed for most of the trip. That’s about 170 Kph. I really wanted to go over 200; something just seemed right at that speed. Like I wouldn’t have been complete unless I got there. Never mind, before I could get to 200 we were there. But everything was detoured due to a big road race, it was foot and bicycle. Eventually I found a parking spot, much to the chagrin of my gps, turn left, TURN LEFT, WHEN YOU GET A CHANCE PLEASE TURN LEFT, UGH RECALCULATING. Eventually I just turned her off. Our first destination was to the castle. I knew we were close, but I wasn’t totally sure. I have a pretty good inherent navigation system I believe so I walked in the general direction I believed to be correct. Sure enough there was a tower attached to the rest of the castle. The castle was really cool. A big size of land, lots of rooms and chambers, and buildings. Very pretty paint job. Walked around and through the gardens. Really a nice visit, now we were hungry, so we caught a concert in the park, had some grilled meats, and some soda. Ahhhh, time for more sightseeing. So next we were off to the Reichsparteitagsgelände which is the Nazi Party Rally Grounds. This is the place where Hitler had his troop reviews and big grand galas exulting how great they were. The pictures were pretty amazing despite their atrocities. The area and surrounding buildings have been used for concerts, car races, and now part time truck stop. Many of the big columns and pillars have been removed for safety. And actually you are verboten from stepping foot on the place but everyone does. I went up to the top and stood where Hitler stood. It was pretty eerie, not really amazing at all, just weird and eerie. We took a walk around the entire campus, what would have been a giant blow job to him. We saw his coliseum which was really cool; it was supposed to rival the Roman one. We walked along the promenade; he had hoped to connect his coliseum with the old castle connecting both new and old Germany. He lost; we won, so it never happened. We caught the Volkfest while we were there. Think of it like your local state carnival, but like times 10, because all the food and rides were better and of course tons of beer. Afterwards we stopped by the coliseum and went in for a look. It was a museum and I bet you are wondering at what point does this boy make some one mad. This time though it wasn’t an international incident it was a local one. I made some people form Missouri mad. We started talking but we just stand out. They found out we weren’t going and got mad. How could you come all this way and not see this bit of history? Ehh, were really tired from walking around and sightseeing. I’m a history teacher and you can’t pass up something like this its once and a lifetime. Really, I feel pretty ehhh. Ill pay. No really that’s kind of you, but I think we are going to go. Okay, well think about it, and you should really come back. I will, “Man I'm hungry and tired and would she just leave me alone” I was generally tired, but I also wasn’t totally confident in getting back home and really didn’t want to drive like a bat out of hell in the dark. So we got back on the autobahn right onto the expressway and I was on a mission. Every chance I got close there would be a turn or I would need to hit the brakes. But then, there was a straightaway coming out of turn, a straightaway going downhill. I felt my eyes sharpening; my foot getting heavier, lips pursed, and I put that motherfucker on the floor. Jumped up to 6 rpm, entered the fast lane at got it up to 205 kph, that’s about 125 mph. Felt like a bad ass, holding on at 10 and 2 for dear life, heart pumping, slightly sweating. Then out of nowhere a bike passes me and then car passes me and then some 90 year old passes. I put my signal on and move over to the “slow” lane feeling defeated. These people must have been doing 240 – 260 kph. What a n00b! Well it was still an achievement for me and I will check that off my to-do list in life. We got back to town and headed out for dinner. I was jonesin for some Italian but couldn’t find any, so we settled on Greek. It was really tasty. I had a white asparagus soup, which I think was more German than Greek, and then I had a giant plate of ziti with buttered garlic bread and then some bean dish. White beans covered in marinara sauce. Never has being a vegetarian bean so delish…..see what I did there with the pun, see seee seeee…..oh never mind.
Monday
Ughh back to work, back to work to prove to the boss that I’m no jerk. This was Phase 3 for everyone. We did some tests that evening and it actually turned out to be my last day of testing with the vendors. Since we got out early I headed to the American party. It was the last night and they were hosting. It was a really good party. Lots of steak, chicken, brisket, sausage, and beer. Good party, lots of dancing, good music. Lots of America...Fuck yeah themed music. I was still DD so I only had one beer and then I went off.
Tuesday
Went off with me doing some busy work. We had a good on our team who got sick and had to go to the hospital so they were rearranging duties. I was tying up some loose ends and doing some post test junk work. That night we had our big group dinner with the main planning organization. We headed out to this family owned restaurant, some dude was making some really good bbq. We had some beers, had some laughs, and had some awards. Even my vendors got some awards, official thank yous, but unofficial thanks for being fucking awesome. I was happy and proud that they were acknowledged like that. Since they paid their entire way, the token was really nice.
Wednesday
Change in orders day. I was now going to be king for a day of one of the regional groups. And boy did I let it go to my head. I came in their prepared to rule with an iron fist. I told the captain and the major and the tech sergeant that there was a new sheriff in town. And if they didn’t like it then they could get the hell out. They didn’t pay me any attention and when back to doing their work. Oh hum. The day was filled with a lot of laughs thanks in part to the UK sharing the room with us. These are the foulest funniest motherfuckers I have ever had the displeasure of working with. “Jacob, I want to tell you about the worst blow job I ever got” What, no, gross. “It was fucking amazing!!!!” hahahahahahahah “Jacob, I just downloaded the Quran, want me to burn a copy for you?!?!?” HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAH And the jokes like that went on and on and on. The day ended like a regular one, we got out early enough to head to a restaurant that was serving beer. But not just any beer, Jacob Beer. THE GREATEST BEER IN ALL ZEE WORLD!!! Now had my beer sucked it still would have ruled, but the fact that it was delicious as all get up was even better. I was able to bring home a mug and a glass and a coaster. Greatest beer of my life, I pity those of you who don’t have a beer named after you.
Thursday
This was the last day of testing for the regular people. It was also the DV day. Which means a bunch of generals and admirals and colonels walk around and everyone’s asshole is puckered because they are afraid they may get in trouble. I just walked around talking with all of my friends and staying out of the way. Even our Vice President came out and he introduced himself to me even though I have met him like 5 times prior. I was not wearing my work shirt and of course he didn’t recognize me. What an idiot. So we got to go home early that day about 3. I had said goodbye to my vendors earlier in the day, it was a lot of fun working with them. Thursday night was the BIVAC which I think is German for barbeque. Every country sets up a table, except for the US because we can’t spend money on alcohol. They bring sample food dishes from their country and sample liquors, beer, and wine. It’s essentially the greatest party you could ever go to because now you can say you have collectively partied in 42 countries when in reality you have only been to a handful. The test is to see if you can go around the world. Most people cant; that many shots or beers will usually put your ass before you know you’ll be throwing up. I have learned my lessons over the years; I had about 7 or 8 wines from different countries, a few shots, and some moose milk. Moose milk is this awesome Canadian drink made from eggs and ice cream and liquor. It’s like egg nog but not as thick. We partied for a few hours, took lots of pictures and said my goodbyes to many people I may never see again. So sad.
Friday
Woke up after Reveille, but not much after. I was kind of thirsty that was all, more tired than anything else. Wish I could have slept longer. Went down and got some breakfast. Watched the warriors, which was a fantastic movie by the way. Then we went out and about for a stroll around town. Looking to do some shopping we stopped at every place that was open. One of my friends was car sitting for me so I bough him a bunch of beers, 10 in all, 5 liters in all. It put me close to being overweight, but I managed to get my luggage checked in. Next we went and did some clothes shopping. I bought one shirt, my other coworker went super crazy, OMG I need this and that and this and that. I think she was making up for the fact that she couldn’t by shoes because her feet are too small for adult sizes. Wacka wacka!! Next we went and got some lunch. We went to this Italian place and had humongous servings, really good food, but way too much to eat. Next we took our stuff back to the house and then went for a walk out the other gate. We ended up in the same place before, oh well; we made another stop since a friend was looking for some good souvenirs. All the sizes in Germany are numbered like 18-42 or something. There is no large, medium, or small. So the guy asks the sales chick, my friend is about your size which shirt will fit her. I don’t know let me try it on and she begins to take off her top and I’m starting to get excited and the guy stops her. In my head I was thinking hey, free soft-core, what are you doing? Even the sales girl is like, seriously, it’s not a big deal? No no no, that’s okay the guy says. Okay well if it doesn’t fit it’s not my fault. Then I finally had to break the silence, dude she was going to take off her top. And the sales girl says I know, what’s wrong with you American guys. So me and her got at it back and forth to the guy, maybe I went too far because by the time I left she was calling me the tall American wise ass. Which is not a term of endearment I believe. So that was fun. After that we just went back to our hotel and I crashed out for an hour or so. Naps are the greatest thing ever invented. I love me some naps. Nappy nappy nap nap. Got a call from some other coworkers and headed out back to the Italian place for dinner. Had some really greasy calamari for dinner. So I tore off all the breading and just ate the meat. Went back home packed as carefully as I could. I was bringing home 14 breakable containers in my luggage. 13 of them survived luckily. Only 1 broke. Then off to mimis.
Saturday
Finally going back to America. Got up pretty early because had a one hour drive to the airport. Got to drive on the autobahn again, but it was foggy so I really couldn’t go too fast. I timed our petrol refuel perfectly we got to the airport when the tank hit zero. The check in was pretty easy, although, it’s not the easiest since none of us have any Lufthansa credit. But oh well. The flight is only 40 minutes; I think I slept 38 of them. I woke up when the plane hit the ground. The transfer to American was pretty easy, got my upgrade and got on the plane. Had the fine luxury of flying back to O’hare which is where the worst TSA in the world work. Bunch of imbred assholes. Yes, that may be a little harsh, but they are terribly terrible. Rude, disorganized, unhelpful, disinterested in what they do. I will forever feel that they were the people who were unemployed on 9-10, 9-11 happened, and 9-12 they had jobs. The flight to Tucson is a little over 3 hours, I tried hard to get to sleep and finally I did. When we landed, it took forever to get the funk out. I splashed water on my face, jumping jacks, but my eyelids had never been that heavy before. I was forced to get a rental car. This is no good because I make quite a bit of money on the mileage reimbursable. I get 50 cents to the mile and since it only cost me about 4 cents a mile to drive, its pretty nice. So I show up to Enterprise and they don’t have my reservation and cant find it, turns out someone made it for 8-19 instead of 9-18, lovely transposition errors. So it was late and I was talking with the girl and she saw that I had flown all day. She has never been to Europe and I thought, hmm sweet talk time. I told her all about Germany and long-hauls and German rental cars. She loved it so much she gave me an upgrade………..to a Kia. Now, the car runs, it works, it will get me home. But what on earth were you going to give me that this is an upgrade from. She said the other car had power nothing and no cruise control. They still make cars like that??????
Oh well, so it was off to my cousins house and then straight to a bar. I showed up to a dive bar and showed my passport as identification. The guy, although white, pretty much made the aye muy chingon face to me. Then the bartender looked at me as if I was light in the loafers because I asked for Jamison and Ginger Ale. Well we got Jamison but no ginger ale…..I could make some ginger ale. ‘sta loco, how do you make fake ginger ale. Just mix coke and sprite, viola. After that I just ordered vodka tonics.
Sunday
Woke up way to early, hung out with the cousins, downloaded souvenirs, drove back to SV, exchanged cars, gave the dude his beer….he was super appreciative. Came back after 45 days to a non-robbed very dusty apartment.
And that is germany in nutshell.
Thanks for reading this really really long synopsis, you know you loved it.
<3 Jacob
