Going going back back to Bosni Bosni. Yes it is my glorious return to my favorite region of the world, or at least where I get sent all the time, the Balkans.
Thursday
I woke up with a sore throat for my flight….lovely. To my excited relief I was upgraded on the Tucson and the Dallas flight, I highly recommend business class over the ocean if you can manage to get your hands on it. Not for the food or beverage, but for the ability to actually fall asleep. I got a few hours of sleep, after watching Slumdog and Benjamin Button.
Friday
We landed in London and I actually got to use the Emerald lounge, which is not the highest or nicest, but it’s the second highest. Sapphire-for most regular folks, emerald for the most elitist,(myself), and first class,(the club you buy yourself into). In there I had bourgy scotch and bourgy champagne and bourgy green tea. We hung out there for about 5 hours. Then we had a quick hop to Munich where we stayed the night. I know I had just left the US, but I was craving a hamburger and found its European cousin, it was good. Not 100% USDA choice, but still tasty. The beer of course was good. Didn’t stay up late, because my eye-lids were very heavy.
Saturday
We got to sleep in, and then we had a flight to Vienna then on to Sarajevo. Both flights were about an hour, Vienna airport was small but nice. Sarajevo airport is very small and not so nice. We were headed back to the Holiday Inn where I always get to sing, nothing chillin at the Holiday Inn, me and my pimps want you to bring four of your friends…. Yeah chingy. It was about 4 when we got checked into and we immediately went and got some water. We came back at met another guy and went to the Sarajevo Beer Company Brewery. Sarajevsko Pivnic. I wasn’t really excited because I don’t care for their beer too much, but they had a dark beer that was really good. Afterwards we just walked around the old part of town and came back home, still a little jet lagged.
Sunday
I slept until about 3, but chilled in bed and watched unrated late night infomercials for 900 numbers in German. Oooh lala. Still rocking the sore throat, this was not fun. Got up and had some breakfast and just did light work most of the day. Had some pizza for lunch and just continued with the light work. Decided I would have a massage but they closed early on Sunday. We went for a walk to the sketchy alley that has really good cheap Italian food. Stuffed myself on awesome lasagna. Then topped off that stuffedness with some hazelnut gelato.
Monday
Was the pre conference and it was pretty chill. Like always, the pre conference is just a few people. So it was an easy day, we peaced off and I went for my massage, Eastern European style. It was not a special massage but she rode that fine line hard. “Wow, your hands all over my ass right now, and I do not mind” It may be a little intrusive but your ass is a big muscle and it some peoples case could be a lot of surface area. So do your thing Sodra that was the chick’s name. That night I went to a steakhouse for dinner and had some rocking chicken kabobs. Came back had some beer and went to bed.
Tuesday
This was the first day of the conference and it was hectic as shit. Everyone needed something and when I was on the way to helping them, they wanted some more or tried to pull me in another direction. It was a long day and I was tired. I woke up that morning feeling good, so I decided it was time for alcohol consumption. That night we went back to old town for some local food. This is about a 30 minute walk. It ended up sprinkling, then raining, then pouring. Luckily, we had some more gelato to fuel us through the water. We got back to the hotel and changed for the ice breaker, it was held in the discotheque of the Holiday Inn. I ended up having about 5 beers because I was feeling healthy, then I came back home and watched Small Soldiers with subtitles.
Wednesday
In the morning my body was not happy with me and decided to let me be sick again. I looked miserable, I didn’t feel miserable. My throat was froggy and cracky. I would move between sounding like Barry White and pre-pubescent. Everyone busted my balls about my balls finally dropping and getting some whiskers. When work finally ended we went out to the Italian restaurant from Sunday night. Everyone was pretty impressed especially with the scary alley. We walked home and got some more gelato, it’s not so much that this ice cream is fantastic it’s the price. 1 KM, which is about 75 cents. You get one hell of a scoop. I only had one beer, but I went to bed kinda of late.
Thursday
My body being as awesome as it is, fixed the shit out of me. We can repair him, we can make him better. I had more junk come out of my nose, throat, mouth, and nose. Lovely colors of the green spectrum. But I feel pretty good right now. It’s just about end of day and I need to go get some peeps some souvenirs, so I guess I’ll write tomorrow. We had some dinner in the old part of town, very good.
Friday
Pretty good morning, the end of the conference and things were running down. Had some lunch and went to the out briefing. Went pretty well and was over fast. I decided I needed another massage. “Ohh very nice, ohh and now your massaging my butt again.” Came back to my room and took a nap. Packed my clothes, suited up and went to the traditional dinner. Dinner was very good and I restrained myself from trying everyone’s national liquor . I had a hard time falling asleep, I had a cough, so I took some Nyquil; well mix that with some alcohol and you have a recipe for missing your 400 wake up call.
Saturday
My boss called me at 430 because I had to be down at 445, “Are you up, I am now” I was the last person on the bus. I didn’t feel too bad, no hangover just tired. I slept most of the flight to Munich. Well since we didn’t fly until Sunday, we thought it would be a good idea to go explore Munich. So we hopped on the S-bahn and went down to the MarienPlatz, the old town. We saw the old school Glockenspiel, it’s like a life-size cuckoo clock. Then we went to the HRC, oh yeah. Then we went to the Haufbrau house. A very big, awesome beer hall. Hitler used to hold his beer hall rallies here. I don’t know if he did the big Bier Hall Putsche, but it was still a very neat building. Lots of murals and ornate wooden carvings. After a liter or two of beer, I was feeling very Bavarian and decided it would be a good idea to buy some Lederhosen. I went into the store and my teammate who spoke German didn’t want to help me buy. So I went in with the girl and we were picking out sizes. I came out of the dressing room wearing the pants and girl said I was sexy, so I was pretty much sold. As she was asking about my shoe sizes, I wear a 48, she asked conferred, but said cuarenta siete, I said no cuarenta ocho. Then she said Habla espanol. I had just past the clothing section of Rosetta Stone, so I thought to myself, lets do this. I said Si, then came the machine gun Spanish. Whoa whoa whoa, you need to slow down. Luckily, everything for me is grande: camiseta, calcetines, pantalones, sombrero. So I felt like a international playboy. Well I was pretty much done with everything but they still wanted to go to a bier garten. So we had one more liter. I then proceeded to pass out on the train back to the hotel. My buddy brought me some dinner cuz I couldn’t make it to the restaurant. I had drank about two liters of water after I got back to my hotel. Took a shower and went to bed.
Sunday
I then woke up at 300 and had to beg forgiveness to the porcelain deities. Most of my team poked fun at me, I slept from Munich to London, and after that ate lots of food to refuel the vitamins and minerals I lost. Doubly nice was that I was upgraded from London to Dallas. Food was good as were the movies. So that’s about it. It’s a little late so Im sure I might have forgotten some of the details, but you get the picture. Look forward to next weeks pictures of the extravaganza and enjoy the Lederhosen laden Eggemeyer.
Jake
