Mis-Adventures in Bachelorhood: February 2008

Preface
I did not hang out with any famous people. No NBA All-Stars. No Famous Rap Artists. No Famous Actors or Actresses. If you want a recounting of such tales, please see little egg, for he is the truer party animal.

Story

I went to see Sammy last week and honestly had no intentions of partying it up with celebrities. If I could of met a famous woman that would have been nice, but it was not on my to do list. What was on my to do list was to hit up all three hard rock cafes in the area. Miami, Hollywood, and Hollywood Hotel and Casino. Check on all three!
I arrived Friday night and we went down to Hollywood. Very bustling area. Casino, restaurants, night clubs, shopping. We had sushi at a restaurant called TaTu. Not the lesbian loving singers, but their Oriental counterpart. At the end of our meal they brought us warm sour apple cotton candy, don't know why but I ate it. Afterwards Samm couldn't make up her mind which friend she wanted to hang out with and whether we would be partying in Ft. Lauderdale or Miami. Well she decided on her former college roommate, who happens to be a looker. So we went to some wine bar, where I had some beer. The roommates Dad knows some people, so we got in for free and he comped our drinks. Then we decided to go meet some more of Samm's industry friends. We went to a party at the Sagamore Hotel. That was pretty cool, had lots of Vodka there. Talked with the roommate mostly. Turns out she's also a brother from DSP, so we mostly talked about that. I also met Sammy's most recent sugar daddy; he's a pretty nice guy. We then went to a club called Mynt. He paid for me and we went inside and met one of Samm's current roommates. And since they are both good looking, I get free drinks because I'm the brother. This club was very much a club that I wouldn't be able to get in on my own. Dancing girls on pedestals. Funky light shows. Techno music. And only clear liquors are served. Very loud. Lots of popped collars and girls with rags on that are considered dresses. I liked the last part. After that we went to a pizza place, got home about 430 and fell asleep.

Woke up Saturday afternoon, took the former roommate home, and went to lunch. I told Samm the wonders of Ron Paul, she said who is that. Oh well... Afterwards we went down to the beach, walked around, went shopping, people watched, and just took it easy. We had dinner at a seafood restaurant on the Miami River. Very good, I ate an entire Snapper. MMMM. Afterwards we got some wine and dessert and watched a movie at her place. I'm sure one of you will ridicule me for not going back to South Beach, but sometimes its fun to just stay at home.

Sunday we got up and went to brunch. Then walked over to Miami HRC. We walked passed an outdoor stage and amphitheater and the entire Cuban population was standing in line to get in. I asked one of Samms roommates what was going on. What was the party for? He said, it's Sunday, they always party on Sundays. Around the HRC are a marina and different shops and bars. Had a really good mojito and then a really bad German beer. But the conch fritters were very tasty. After that Samm took me shopping, I have no fashion sense or color coordination skills. Many of you feel that way also. Couldn't find anything that fit my weird proportions. Came home and got ready to go. We went to a really good Chinese restaurant with the sugar daddy. Had some really good appetizers and wine, and the food was really good. Afterward we went to a hotel to play bingo. Sounds old, but it isn't. The ball caller had a sexual innuendo or funny remark for every number. Uncle Jason's favorite number O-69. O-70, 69 plus the pinky, O-72, 69 plus the shocker. In order to be Michael Jackson's boyfriend you must B-14. Its okay you are going to live its B-9. And many more! The sugar daddy bought us a couple bottles of wine. Samm won a week at the Spa, very very fun night.

Monday I had to go back home, but since Samm has no vacation I had to get to the airport 3 hours before my flight. Sucky. Flights were okay, see below. Got home and continued on with life. Had a really good time, Miami is a great place to live and work and party, if you haven't been, do it.

The Garbage Pail Kids Movie is no longer good, saw it 20 years ago yay, today nay,

Jacob

Epilogue

And now an open letter to Matt Brown. Specifically about your parent company Continental Airlines. I'm a big fan of AA, mostly because that's what we usually fly and I'm rather high in their frequent flyer program. I hadn't flown Continental in over 10 years. I have to say I was pleasantly surprised. They give a small snack on every flight. I thought only European airlines did that because AA does not do that. I had enough room back in coach. Everything was nice. My one bone to pick with you is, Continental attracts some of the most retarded people as customers I have ever seen. All four my flight segments were riddled with retards. Before I continue I have to say I give a pass to old people. There is nothing you can do about being slow; I'll be there one day. But where does it state that at age 65 you get to forget everything you learned in your whole life and act as if you've never seen a flying contraption that you are now boarding. The inability to fasten seat belts, the non comprehension of where to put your bags, can't figure out which seat is ABC or DEF. Next we have the general population which is made of fuck-tards. Every single person brought aboard a piece of luggage that clearly should have been checked, but they insisted on trying to put it in the overhead bin. A lot of them think they are sneaky, thinking they'll put their stuff in the overhead above rows 10 or 11 and then go take their seat in row 24. Well the people who are sitting in row 10 or 11 now have to come to the back and try and stuff there oversized luggage into the bins as well. Then we had the Asians who were going on a family cruise and had worked out a cheap deal. They had every middle seat in every row, but were trying to ask people to switch so they could sit together. People were making the nice gesture and trying to accommodate them, but then those people wanted to sit together too. A giant cluster fuck if I ever seen one, finally the flight attendants had to politely say Ass In Seat, just so they could close the doors. But the winner of retarded customers goes to, a young girl from Minneapolis who was going on her first cruise. Young girl, in college, was invited down here by some friends. But had no idea where she was going, which cruise line, or for how long. I know this because she said so. When it came time to order her drinks, she asked for a diet coke. Yes that will help you to slim down. Since this particular airplane flies in and out of Latin America they had the Spanish versions of everything. Most things are the same but; Diet Coke south of the border is called Coke light. Other than that, same can, same font, same. Well she looked at it and re-orders, "No, I had a diet-coke". That's diet coke from Mexico, it's the same. "Well, you see, I asked for American Diet Coke, not Coke Light" Yes I know, but it's the same, only we were stocked in Mexico and that's what they have there. "Well, could you check to see if you have a Diet" The guy actually looked, but couldn't find one. He told her everything I told you about it, and pleaded with her to just try it. She did and after smacking her lips for what was the world's longest taste-test, she capitulated and said it was good. You get a pass if you've never been south of the border, but that pass is only good for 1 or 2 questions, not 12. So Matt, I will continue to fly your airline when it is most convenient or cheapest, but I was just curious if you felt that way sometimes too. Almost all of the flights took a good 30 minutes to board. That is absolutely un-called for on 737. Thanks for listening.

Jacob
FF DK-xxxxx